Well, it doesn't look like the forum colors are going to change much, so I will just have to try to make do...though the colors will definately limit me. Still, I want to get in here and help out a bit.

Both Mad and Lews are right about the consistency issue in my comments. The style presented in the piece was back and forth with its presentation. In reading your comments, SC, I can understand why it got to be what it was.

I recomend that if you do a third person limited that the voice be an actual persons voice. That is, give it a personality. Name it in your head or even in the story. That way it'll be easier to remain consistent. A good idea is to give any voice a quirk of its own - like a phrase or a word it likes to use...maybe a tick or habit that is regularly described. That will make inconsistencies a bit less noticable. Also, if there is confusion as to who is speaking, the quirk makes it obvious and will keep the reader in the flow.

Like for instnace...Mad and Lews have characters who rip the guts out of other characters....hmmm...bad example, that describes a lot of his characters. But I always know it's his writing. Okay, a better example: one of my characters uses the phrase "my dear" all the time. I can make him say all sorts of dumb shit, but when I end his words with "my dear" it's in character.

By the way, don't fret the language barrier too much. The fact is that we all struggle with language (except for Lews who just swears all the time). Just make your characters/narrators talk to you like who they are. The words will come along if you give them a voice in your head.