This week I have been with Master and it has been wonderful, but definitely NOT one of my better summissive periods. I find I have been argumentative and crabby. I seem to debate everything that he says, always wanting to "win" the discussion. I have been resenting having to comply with some of my simpliest sub behaviors such as asking to use the bathroom or the PC or to eat something from the kitchen. I believe I may have actually pouted, God help me. I hate the thought of being a pouting sub. My pain threshold sucks. There has been very little BDSM play, probably because Master is getting these "don't hurt me today" vibes. We are only together every three months and I really hate it that I can't be in full blown submissive mode for the brief times we share. Sigh...........................
I am glad that this thread was here today. It made me face what was going on inside of me. I know what I need to do now, and that is to discuss my feelings with Master. I have found that in the past that when I get these feelings and he arranges a good long session with the paddle and quirt, et al, that I am often calmed and more even tempered after.
Thanks for letting me vent, "Peace" ~blizz~