I'm going to publish the full story as an e-book. So I spent time today going through Chapter 1, fixing the tense problem. While I was at it, I addressed most of the issues you raised, and it's much better I think.

I also made some changes I felt more comfortable with -- I'd never really liked the second punching session or the suffocation threat, and they were changed to something better and more amusing.

I'll post the newer draft here on this subforum.