Thanks for the vote of confidence. How could I not respond to that.

Here's a question. Is he using his earlier failed relationship as blackmail? All you're hearing is his interpretation of went wrong. You've no idea why their relationship really failed. Maybe he doesn't. It sounds a bit like he's playing it to get his will through?

I personally think he sounds a little insecure and needs to get his will through to feel build up his ego and feel good about himself, no matter what. This is based on only the little few exerpts you've posted which means I could be dead wrong. It's just a feeling I get. There's nothing wrong with him feeling insecure, but is good if he understands and can talk about it. We all have insecurities so it's good if he can openly discusses them. And it's also nothing that can't be worked through.

Now to answer your question. Naturally you want him to push your soft limits and not your hard limits. He's obviously pushing your soft limits very well since the long relationship. The problem is that he has a hard time respecting your hard limits. Could the problem be you? Have you communicated well enough that this is a hard limit for you and it will never make you feel good. Making it as clear as possible that you haven't and will never have a fetish about exhibitionism.

I think three years is a long time and you should by now be passed this. But then again, mostly seeing each other on-line does give plenty of oportunity for missunderstandings

I'm guessing your problem is simply down to communication. Either you are too bad at communicating what you want and what your needs are, or he is bad at gauging it. Men understand hints very badly. No matter how much it may feel awkward, talking to a man as if to a four year old is sometimes be what we men require to understand. It's not because we don't care, we're just different/dumber.

I have far too little info to judge if he's being abusive. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.
-Tom