Thank you Tom - and thanks everyone else, of course. I'm glad I managed to flatter your ego, Tom - I shall obviously have to work on flattering his a bit more.

I will say that some of your advice is not quite up the right street because I havn't explained myself properly - it is not a 3 year old relationship, it is only 3months and a bit since we started talking. So we are only just starting to learn eachother. The 3 years bit is how long he has been a dom for.

I don't think exhibitionism is an absolute hard limit for me - not a neverneverneverno (like, say, scats). I just find it really difficult. I've been thinking about it too, and I think one of the things that annoyed me is actually that he could have got me to do it without resorting to blackmail - I do think of it as a last resort - and then I think I'd actually have enjoyed it. More Masterful persuasion and use of thrall... I did tell him early on that, in the online context, the worst punishment I can think of is for him to cut the conversation. I guess I don't think having a bit of trouble pushing myself deserves the worst.

We aren't communicating enough at the moment, you are absolutely right. I'm communicating like anything in writing - I write him an incredibly detailed journal every day, just because I like doing it, and I talk to him about everything. I'm not getting feedback from him though - I guess I'm not talking to him about that!! But we do have the problem that he has very little time available at the moment. For example, I am unlikely to get to talk to him until next Monday now. I am hoping that as of next week things will start easing up for him, though, and we will get some more time together so we can really talk. It seems so important to me that we start down the right path.

My belief in him is such that I was jarred to think he might be using his last relationship as a means to an end! I'm thinking about that: no, I really don't believe that. He was still very upset about it when we first started talking, it was only a few weeks since it had happened; and we both had considerable discussion as to whether it was wise for either of us to be thinking of looking for someone else so soon after finishing previous relationships - but we just got on well. So we did.

I don't think he's being abusive. And I consider that certainly in an online situation, if he were, it would be easy to walk away from it. But yes, I think you're right that he lacks confidence - don't we all? - and that is one of the reasons why I should like to be able to help him know that he can - command; he doesn't need to threaten. True, he might need to repeat himself a few times...

Well, that's helped me work a few things through in my head! It's even allowed me to find a way to broach it, I think, that will allow me to bolster rather than damage his poor fragile baby male ego. (There, I've got my sense of humour back. Phew!)

Thanks again