I think he may be pushing too hard and too fast for you on the exhibitionism thing. And he does sound a bit hard to communicate with.

But I don't agree that in an online relationship, threatening to leave and ignore you for a while is emotional blackmail. It's a harsh punishment option but one, I think, that should be on the table for online dom who is not getting cooperation. All other punishments he can do over the internet require your cooperation, and are subject to manipulation on your part too.

It's not only online Doms who practise emotional blackmail, either. I was recently manipulated to distraction by an online "sub" who liked to tease, offer and deny, break commitments, refuse tasks outright, wheedle, misinterpret, and call names. The more of this she did, the more I realized I was being manipulated, and she was unhappy unless she was in total control herself. Scary.

Actually just going away is the only part of the D/s online game that is truly an action on his part. Everything else is just talk. It's not emotional blackmail in my view -- but it doesn't make communication any easier either. I hope he saves it for when it's truly required.

I'd be more concerned with your trust and communication issues, and your desire to be pushed more slowly, and less with that method of exerting control.