Mishka's Second Assignment

[Aussiegirl1]

Well done Mishka,

I really love the feel of this story. It is sexy and funny at the same time! Yes you had a few spelling and grammar errors, but not so many that it distracted from the meaning. You did well with your tenses and despite not liking not being able to use the spelling and grammar check, I think you did a great job.

I have shown the changes that need to be made below, but didn't worry with correcting the lack of capitals in the IM sections, as that is not how you type in IM. I loved that you included those bits, BTW, as it gave the story even more depth.

Thank you for the effort and thought you put into this piece. You can now reclaim your spelling and grammar check and write me another great piece of writing! Have fun and I look forward to reading your next story.

Good Intentions

June lugged the 5 bags of groceries up the steps to their apartment and managed to only drop the chips and trip over one step on her way up. With the top of the chips (chip's)bag now locked securely between her teeth, the rest of the load and her keys ready and her purse about to choke her, she jangled and struggled into the apartment and plopped everything onto the floor. There now, don’t have to make a second trip, she thought.
She played over the IM she had with Joseph that morning while she quickly stored the groceries. Well, more quickly than usual.

Her: how is Your writing coming?
Joseph:
this story is driving me crazy
Her: why?
too many subjects You think?
Joseph: nah
not enough words

With all the cold things in the refrigerator she worked on the non-perishables. The apartment was still relatively new so things were put away with no real rhyme or reason.

Her: adjectives ,adjectives, adjectives
pad it like Tolkien
Joseph:
no
1450 words to write the story
not enough
Her: exactly. flesh out the descriptions.
Joseph: still missing the pint point
I need 4000 words to tell the story
have 1450
Her: yes. i understood. understand
4000 words is a lot.
more detail will help pad it

Where the hell did she just put the dessert? She bought a fresh cheesecake, now where did she put it? Oh. She sees it in the pantry next to the paper towels. She rolled her eyes and clanking about for the pots and pans she got ready for a special spaghetti dinner.

Joseph:
I know
Listen
lol
I have to write this story using exactly 1450 words
Her: you just said 4000
lol
i'm not on the ball today, am i?
sorry

June smiles at her mistake. She makes a mental note to herself to not forget the garlic bread in the oven tonight, so it doesn’t burn like last time.

Her: OH! now i get it!!!
i had to reread it.
Joseph:
Lack of sleep
Her:love me anyway, please.
my intentions are good
have You written far beyond 1450 already?
Joseph:
got to 3500 in the first draft
Her:
oh my
fewer details fewer details
Joseph:
I know
but you kept saying more
Her: because i thought the goal was 4000
and You ONLY had 1450
silly kitten...so easily confused
Joseph:
yes
lovable though
Just remeber remember, I felt like pounding my head agaist against the wall
Her:
when done i can kiss it and make it all better
Joseph: ty

With the water starting to boil and the beef simmering she took a few minutes to set the table. With her grandmother’s embroidered tablecloth and the candlesticks they were given as a housewarming present, the mood was set for a quiet dinner. Usually she threw food on paper plates and carried them to the table. This time she set out the nice dishes as a final flourish.

Shit! Hearing the water boiling over she ran back to the kitchen to lower the temperature, mop things up a bit and pour in the noodles. The beef wasn’t crusty, that was a good thing. The sauce was warming nicely, too.

She tempted fate and ran excitedly on her toes to the bedroom. She had to hurry. She looked like crap but she could be cleaned up in a jiffy. Slipping into a soft, white slip of a nighty (nightie) and brushing out her long hair, all that was left was to straighten the bed and rescue dinner.

Just in time for him to walk through the door she had managed to arrange everything prettily on the table. ( This sentence would work better the other way around - She arranged everything prettily on the table, just in time for it to be ready as he walked through the door.)He kept smiling at her through dinner. He had always liked her spaghetti. She had a feeling it was the silky nighty nightie she wore that complimented her pale skin and ample cleavage. She noticed him stifling a laugh at her and her glow of female wiles faded. A long drip of sauce was working its way down the front of her slip.( I would end this sentence with an exclamation mark, but it is not an error, just my preference.

Leaving the mess on the table, instead of giving the extra touch of cleaning before him like a good little servant, she went to the kitchen sink to rub the stain out. When he came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders ( You need a comma here)she breathed a sigh of relief. Dinner was not a bust. She could sense he was still pleased at the attempt for a surprise romantic dinner.

Turning around she thought she could make up for her clumsiness with her next act of service. He kissed her gently on the lips. She caught his eyes, and without leaving their gaze her hands blindly and efficiently undid his belt, button and zipper of his trousers. He smiled. Her eyes fluttered and she slid her back down the cupboard and kneeled on the linoleum.

Rubbing his bottom and thighs with her hands, and stroking over his groin she looked up until he was firm. She released him from his boxers and took a quick suck of the tip of his penis. This beats cheesecake, she thought. Her hands still massaged his hips and bottom while her tongue traced up from the base of his cock to round his tip, her lips took a little suck on the tip again and repeated the pattern. Little kisses and sucks took a turn up his penis and hearing his moan she teased no longer. She pulled him into her mouth and held him tightly in, her lips stretched around his base sucking and pulling at him.

She felt a pull on the back of her head and was happy he had decided to caress and pull at her hair. She loved that. She worked her mouth on him harder and faster. She adjusted on her knees so he could grab her entire mane of hair if he wanted to when she felt a yank. Not like he yanks but a sharp, tangled yank and her balance faltered. I am not sure if you missed a word in this sentence or not, but it doesn't make sense, though I do know what you were trying to say.She tried to stead herself, but sadly, with a mouth full of cock her teeth scraped against him when she fell sideways.

Apparently her hair had not tangled in his hands as thought, but in the handle on the kitchen drawer. The romantic evening came to an end. Her Master went to bed a little early that night and the only up side was she didn’t break any dishes while cleaning up.

In the morning, a note was left by the bed. “Kitten, tonight we will pick up where we left off, but I think it will go much more smoothly if I strapped you down and you couldn’t move or touch anything. Perhaps it will end more like you had planned.”
__________________

[tessa]

~rushes in to hijack the thread...waves at everyone then grabs Aussiegirl and Mishka in a big hug and spins all around until we're dizzy and giggly...let's them tumble onto the floor in an adorable mess of female parts...turning, I spy my prey and slink over...Mad is totally unaware of my stalking as he's engrossed in the critique he's working on (Lews notices, but isn't gonna say a thing because I promised him two flashes if he kept quiet)...I get close enough to spring onto Mad's back and wiggle all over him in a reverse body to body hug...jumping off before he collects his wits enough to retrieve his paddle, I rush out the door, giggling wickedly as I go~

[Rhabbi]

~rushes in to hijack the thread...waves at everyone then grabs Aussiegirl and Mishka in a big hug and spins all around until we're dizzy and giggly...let's them tumble onto the floor in an adorable mess of female parts...turning, I spy my prey and slink over...Mad is totally unaware of my stalking as he's engrossed in the critique he's working on (Lews notices, but isn't gonna say a thing because I promised him two flashes if he kept quiet)...I get close enough to spring onto Mad's back and wiggle all over him in a reverse body to body hug...jumping off before he collects his wits enough to retrieve his paddle, I rush out the door, giggling wickedly as I go~

That's it, you ares stealing all the good threads. Who do I complain to? Mishka is my slave and I cannot let you hijack her thread without some type of compensation.

[anonymouse]

With the top of the chips (chip's)bag now locked securely between her teeth...

I think that 'chips' is correct in this context. It's one of those words like 'pants' -- a bag of chips; a pair of pants.

Sorry for the short reply. I'm off to the dentist. Wish me luck...

[Aussiegirl1]

I think that 'chips' is correct in this context. It's one of those words like 'pants' -- a bag of chips; a pair of pants.

Sorry for the short reply. I'm off to the dentist. Wish me luck...

I have to say I wasn't too sure on this myself. I meant to put a ? after the word. Appreciate your input anonymouse.