One, the submissive has the true power in a DS relationship. When she sets a limit, it should be respected. When she says no, that means no. When she negotiates a contract, it it for her benefit and her security. If her limits change or her interests change as time progresses, then she may request to renegotiate the contract. It is on the submissive's safeword that a scene stops, period.

You are in control of your own sense of self. Your well-being, your comfort, your satisfaction are all up to you. You are not dependant on someone else to tell you how a submnissive should act. You can figure that out quite well enough on your own. If the person with which you choose to share your submission doesn't understand that and won't respect it, then find someone that will.

As much as I hate to say it, the internet is a breeding ground for stupidity. And it seems the area of BDSM is one of the most misunderstood communities online about which there seems to be the most ignorance. Just because a person proclaims themself to be dominant does not make it so. And just because a person assumes she is submissive doesn't mean she automatically knows what's right for her and how she will react when placed in certain situations within an actual DS relationship.

Most of what you will need to know will come from your own experiences. That doesn't mean you should run blindly into them, though. Reading and research are good. I did that for six years before I even tried a "real" BDSM relationship, and I was still pretty clueless. But for all the reading and research a person can do, experience will still teach them the best.

Ask lots of questions! The only stupid question is the one you never asked.

When you find the person that is right for you, you will know it. You won't feel the worry and doubt that you are feeling right now. I'm not saying everything will just click together and that he will be your white knight riding in on his trusty steed and you'll live happily every after, but it will feel better than when you're sitting and worrying whether you should say something or not. When you find the right person, he will respect your wishes, encourage your opinions, and ask your input. Nowhere is it written that the submissive is best seen and not heard.