Not advice but a newcomer's experience.

I had the privilege of watching an unusual scene between two people who really liked each other and knew what they were doing, at a fetish club recently.

(For those who like details: sub was sitting in a swing made of ropes and bindings, feet touching ground but not all the way, arms and legs free -- Dom was using riding crop on her but having to work for it -- she gave back with hands and feet nearly as good as she was getting, and gave away nothing for free. Occasional breaks for long hugs.)

About an hour later I chanced upon them both standing talking quietly, and introduced myself. She was evidently still elsewhere, and was unwilling/unable to speak much. She kept zoning out and talking to him as if I weren't there.

I assumed she was just unfriendly or didn't want me around, or was not pleased to meet me.

But at a munch a week later, same sub waved gaily to me and chatted as if we were old friends. I think she'd been in deep subspace the first time, and she sort of confirmed that by email later.