Quote Originally Posted by Wontworry
Hmmm … How do I approach a scene ?

While I agree that feedback after a scene is very important, we have always had feedback IN a scene as well. This is invaluable as a guide to what is good or bad, and also allows a break in the emotional pressure which can sometimes be close to overwhelming. To say that we run the whole gamut of emotions in a scene would be pretty close to the truth (.. er .. ok .. so ‘I’ don’t scream and cry, that’s lucy’s role ... but we do both laugh a lot).
Wontworry makes an excellent point, and I think it points up something that was missing from your account of your session: the feedback and interaction between you and your sub. To my way of operating, BDSM is extremely interactive, maybe even more interactive than plain vanilla where you already pretty much know what's acceptable and what works. Despite the fact that one player's aggressive and the other's passive, in BDSM there's constant communication. If that weren't so, than for my money you'd might as well scene with an inflatable doll. It's my partner's reactions and responses that tell me where to go. It might not be where she wants to go, but it's how I keep my bearings.

You were operating under a triple handicap. First of all, this person doesn't sound they're very demonstrative, so it must have been hard to tell how what you were doing affected them, so you were essentially flying blind. Secondly, you weren't sure about your techniques, and that must have produced considerable anxiety on your part. And thirdly, being a Domme was a new experience to you, so you didn't have a large repetoire of techniques to draw upon as the situation demanded. No wonder you wanted to script everything out. You wanted to know what to do, how to do it, and when it should be done. All that's perfectly understandable, and what you recount sounds like a typical first-time experience. Yes, Doms get nervous too. (I wonder if you knew that?)

Experience will take care of all of these. Personally, I don't plan very much. I might decide I want her in a chair, or on the bed or standing up, but once it starts I let my instincts guide me. I take my cues from her and see if she's heading in the direction I want her to go. If I want to do this or that or the other, I usually have enough experience and equipment to know how to do it.
These techniques are a lot like colors on an artist's palette. When you start out, you might have to paint by numbers and use only primaries, but after awhile you learn to mix colors to paint what you want.

If it's something entirely new, there's often a considerable amount of fumbling around and false starts - even laughter, as WW says. But the most important thing for me is that I know how she feels throughout the experience. I can't imagine doing it any other way.

---dr.M.