Why are so many BDSM girls fat and ugly??

[yellowrose]

First off *spanks Fetish for calling her old*

Sorry Fetish I couldn't resist.

Mnemoric is right to a certain extent. Looks do matter. As much as we like to deny this fact it does. As we get older though I believe that our minds do change and what was attractive to us at 20 (or our more reproductive years) and what is attractive to me at 41 is vastly different. While I can appreciate a young mans look I find that I am not attracted to young men. Honestly I have trouble seeing a young man as my equal. Wow that doesn't sound quite right when written down but I assure you it was not meant like it sounds. They just don't have the life experience that older men have.

An advantage of age is that you have been there and done that and now off to explore new areas that many young folks haven't the time or emotional maturity to consider. I am not talking strictly D/s nor is this in any way a insult to the younger folks. Just that priorities and a persons focus changes over time. Young people are doing what they are biologically programmed to do, find a good reproductive partner. Even if reproduction isn't what they are after the mind (or basic instinct) doesn't know or care. The last thing I look for in a man is his reproductive capabilities. Personality, maturity, stability are far more important.

I can only speak for myself. I suspect that men due to their ability to reproduce at any age don't go through as great of a mind shift as females. It would make sense to me that the basic instinct would remain intact to a greater extent in males because of this and therefore looks would matter more to them.

A few old sayings:

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

One mans treasure is another mans junk.

[myri_SN]

hmm...
I have never been thin, nor am i old, am just about 28, my master is 38 soon.
I was nto sexually exerienced ( I had never even kissed a man in my life before ) when i first heard about BDSM ( well i mean first heard the word ). I always liked the subject when seeing it on tv, and i must admit i always fantasised about it one way or the other.
when i was nearly 25 i found out that bdsm exists, by accident. some guy pm'ed me and started telling me this abduction story, making me the main part, giving me tasks like a list of words to stick into his stories. I thought he was weird but i liked it a lot. he stopped talking to me as back then i refused to call him sir. i found it weird and shy (still am ) .
2 months later i was bored and searched the web and came along several bdsm sites. i thought i might just give it a go and look in chat, got myself a new yahoo id so my friends woudln't find out and off i went. from there on it went fast although it was about a year before i first met a dom in r/l to play. I met a few in the next months. the first time i had sex was roughly 2 years ago, less even. the main thing for me was pain and submitting. i refused to have sex.
I met my current master last year in august, very rushed after 2 days in chat ( i know not safe but i did it, i had to ).
i think the main thing that first hooked me to bdsm chat was that i was accepted and i didn't think of myself as weird anymore. although chat was not good enough after a short while hence i tried to meet people and get into r/l. which luckily i managed and i would never ever go back.

the thing that was stated yesterday that most young people in bdsm are thin and older ones are fat is sooooo untrue. i meet a lot of people at munches and clubs and they come in all shapes no matter what the age. i dont think there are any more 'fat' woman in bdsm than there are in nilla life.

oki enuff now...

hides again

[slavelucy]

Man, this thread. Talk about flogging a dead horse!!

LOL. Yeah. In addition, i'm ashamed to admit, the only idea/sentiment/thought/emotion this thread has ever inspired in me is amusement at the very phrase 'BDSM Girls' as used in the title...for some reason, it really tickles my funny bone...i know not why, there's something so very..*thinks*..primitive and naive about it....that and the fact that it reminds me of the golden girls for kinky folk.

*continues to grin inanely*

i need to get out more.

sl

[yellowrose]

golden girls for kinky folk.

Can I be Sophia?

Picture this. . .1982 a delicate young woman steps into . . .

[Incubus Argenteus]

Although this discussion was over nearly a month ago, I wish to add two links to this thread based on studies about beauty.

http://www.gnxp.com/MT2/archives/002687.html

http://www.uni-regensburg.de/Fakulta...lish/index.htm

I hope no one will take these links in a bad way but more as an eye opener on the influence of our genes and the social influence on what is perceived as attractive.

[mmmmmmm]

I recently read some comments that Angelina Jolie made about her interest in BDSM ... she's really open about loving the intensity of it, how it makes her feel alive.

She was recently named "The Sexiest Woman (?in the world?)" ... she doesn't seem to be into BDSM because she can't "get it" any other way.

[leo9]

Although this discussion was over nearly a month ago, I wish to add two links to this thread based on studies about beauty.

http://www.gnxp.com/MT2/archives/002687.html

http://www.uni-regensburg.de/Fakulta...lish/index.htm

I hope no one will take these links in a bad way but more as an eye opener on the influence of our genes and the social influence on what is perceived as attractive.

This thread doesn't seem to be ready to die, probably because it is something so fundamental.

But when I read the first reference, what struck me was that it could just as well be read as proving that people who can only turn on to conventional beauty are reacting like babies! (The more so if they're also hung up on big tits... I appreciate tits as much as the next man, but there's more to sex appeal than cup size.)

As for the computerised "beautiful face", she looks as dull as white sliced bread. A good design for a display dummy or a sex doll, but as a person, I wouldn't give her a second glance; she's got no character. I'm reminded of an experiment in pre-computer days where they tried to create the "perfect face" by photographically merging a dozen film stars, and came up with someone totally average.

In most things in life, we pride ourselves on moving on from the simple tastes we were born with and becoming more imaginative. Why do some people get stuck on infantile standards of good looks?

[leo9]

I recently read some comments that Angelina Jolie made about her interest in BDSM ... she's really open about loving the intensity of it, how it makes her feel alive.

(pant pant drool)

I missed this (probably because I usually avoid film star inteviews along with sports and reality shows), do you have a link?

[ProjectEuropa]

[QUOTE=leo9]
I'm reminded of an experiment in pre-computer days where they tried to create the "perfect face" by photographically merging a dozen film stars, and came up with someone totally average.
QUOTE]

There has been lab based psychological studies on this sort of thing and it was found that people on the whole find the average features the most beautiful so a woman (and man I assume) with the most average size features, ie. eyes, nose mouth etc would be seen as the most beautiful. If you see a person with a beautiful nose amid their average good looks, then it is probably an average nose.

The theory is that if someone is average they sit genetically squarely in the middle of the species and so a good bet for procreation. How true that is I don't know but that is what I read.

[ProjectEuropa]

[QUOTE=ProjectEuropa]

I'm reminded of an experiment in pre-computer days where they tried to create the "perfect face" by photographically merging a dozen film stars, and came up with someone totally average.
QUOTE]

There has been lab based psychological studies on this sort of thing and it was found that people on the whole find the average features the most beautiful so a woman (and man I assume) with the most average size features, ie. eyes, nose mouth etc would be seen as the most beautiful. If you see a person with a beautiful nose amid their average good looks, then it is probably an average nose.

The theory is that if someone is average they sit genetically squarely in the middle of the species and so a good bet for procreation. How true that is I don't know but that is what I read.

Oh add to that even and balanced features ie the left hand side of the face mirrors the right hand side as much as possible.

I guess this averageness can be taken through everything, breasts, hips and I suspect height but height to me seems a little dodgey in this theory. Who knows.

[Curtis]

As for the computerised "beautiful face", she looks as dull as white sliced bread. A good design for a display dummy or a sex doll, but as a person, I wouldn't give her a second glance; she's got no character. I'm reminded of an experiment in pre-computer days where they tried to create the "perfect face" by photographically merging a dozen film stars, and came up with someone totally average.

I think the reason this 'beautiful face' looks average is that they forgot the frame and gave her ugly short hair. Some years ago now TIME Magazine did a feature story on what man would look like 50 or 100 years from now. They had hundreds of readers write in to ask who the beautiful model was they used for the cover. Answer: She was a computer generation with features in proportion to how they're found among humans at large (eg. close to 25% Oriental, 20% Indian, x%Caucasian, y%Negroid, z% Semitic and so forth). If I recall correctly, that was a full-body shot, and even I found her attractive, but I think they gave her short hair, too.

[quietlycuffed]

ok, so this is my first post, and from my name well this might not have been the best topic for me to reply to.....


FAT?????....urrrrrrrrgggggghhhh..

ok, i may not be a beauty queen, but i am far from fat.. in fact i would venture to say that since the average size of a women is a size 12...most women on her fall somewhere relatively close to that size...

i am a little smaller, but not much..

now... about the men on here....***grins an evil grin***

are you all 35 185lbs, have a nice full head of hair???hmmmmmm???..think not...ok then... perhaps you are in fact looking in all the wrong places, or at pictures, instead of real live honest to goodness women...

i thought this was a place to come to find someone who compliments you..if one person or another does not do that, then move on, why criticize?, why stoop to a level as low minded as to make someone else feel small?, just to boost your own self worth?.

ok, my rant is done, i really am a nice quiet.. well ok, maybe not quiet..
a nice young lady with a mind of her own.. and no problem speaking whats on my mind. hahaha but then again, you asked the question....

[ProjectEuropa]

now... about the men on here....***grins an evil grin***

are you all 35 185lbs, have a nice full head of hair???hmmmmmm???..think not...ok then... perhaps you are in fact looking in all the wrong places, or at pictures, instead of real live honest to goodness women...

Uh-um slightly older than 35, weeelll a little more than slightly older with a birthday arriving like a car crash on Thursday but other than that, weighing in at 167 pounds at 5'8". Hair..hmm..thinning slightly on top. I'm pretty average all round..yep, all round. How is that for honesty?

I thought one of the things about the internet is that one can be who one wants. Oh well, I find it difficult to lie, it's just easier not to tell the truth!

Welcome!

[quietlycuffed]

thanks for the welcome!!

i agree, the annonimity is nice, especially if you are exploring and learning.
but he was so adomant about someone's appearance, that i thought a reminder or two would be helpful

it is one thing to present yourself one way, and another to be able to show yourself as you really are. in the case of weight, if you are ever going to meet, you will see this for yourself, so being upfront is the best choice i would think.

and since there are people here who are looking to meet eventually, i would hope that honesty was more the norm, not the exception.

thanks again for the welcome, sorry, if i was on a soapbox, being snowed in has made me a tad grumpy i think

[GaryWilcox]

I really, really hate this thread. I understand why it was left up. I hate it anyways.

And, out of our own regulars, I can name 10 dead-sexy women on this forum, right off of the top of my head.

Twenty, if I put my thinking cap on.

[leo9]

i dont think there are any more 'fat' woman in bdsm than there are in nilla life.

I've probably said this before, but it bears repeating (after all, I said it ). I don't think there are more big women into BDSM, but I think there are more who are out in public spaces, presenting themselves as proud and sexy people.

The reason is that BDSM sexiness is about what's in your head and how you express it - your dominance, your submission, your capacity for taking or inflicting pain, how you build fantasies - and only secondarily, if at all, about how you fit conventional sterotypes of looks. So women who would be ashamed to show themselves if they were held to vanilla standards can step out proudly and say "I am a great slave/Mistress/painslut/nameyourfetish," and know that nobody (except the odd moron like the one who started this thread) will just say "Eeww, you're FAAAT!"

One of the things I like about this community

[bug]

i am not fat! i am not ugly! as a matter of fact i am quite the dish, my Master thinks i am damn sexy but i do know what You mean because it's hard to find good bdsm porn on the net that isn't big people, hey, Tthey gotta have fun too don't Tthey? *laffin*

bug

[fetish101]

I hate this thread. I wish it would go away.

[csr]

I hate this thread. I wish it would go away.

You know, I think it's the title that bothers me the most--after a while the thread actually had some good conversations going. Of course people come on the forum, see the title, and react. I wish we could rename it to "What we think of people making sweeping judgments based on weight" or something more descriptive, lol.

[Master_chris]

I hate this thread. I wish it would go away.

You have to let offer people have they say.

regrading "Fat People" into BDSM first I think it is not fair to say that all body are fat or big bone as I think this rude, as it not nice to point at someone and say, "you are fat" they can't help the way they are made, and hay I think the more and diverse the people are then better off the BDSM will be.

I have found at some of thre bigger people in this world have a more open mind and are willing to try things, like taking a whipping a bit longer or spanked,

mm thinking about it, they might have been pain sluts <giggle>

[wannabeXopsed]

Yes, fat has a connatation that is ugly and cruel. Fat is a fact of life for most of us. Whether it is 10 pounds or 100 most of us are fat and/or overweight by most standards.

It is like saying someone is ugly. I have seen plenty of people that in my opinion were ugly, yet they have a wonderful life with someone that has found them beyond beautiful. On both counts, they can be rude.

Fat and ugly are words that can hurt to the quick. But with all things one has to be strong enough to know themselves that words can't hurt you.

I myself, am a fat woman, and needs lots of attention. I have yet to find it(attention) and while most wouldn't find my pictures and pose's as eroctic, there are those that do, and I think in this community it is far more acceptable. I think it is because we are more open to kinks, and the more open to acceptance.

While there are people who find beastily,scat and other such forms, ugly, we accept them as they are, so a fat woman is also acceptable.

There is a lot of reasons one is fat, not just from eating to much, some are, but there are other reasons too, medical is a huge problem, some from medication taken, some from the diease they may be suffering from, but as was pointed out, fat subs need to have fun and are as sexual as a model is. The same can be said for a fat Dom, he may not be able to use his equipment, but he can be a wonderful caring and enjoyable Master, and has learned how to deal with his/her body mass and be the best there is.

So before you poo poo the idea that a fat girl/guy is unacceptable, the whole package could have been someone that is meant to be yours.

I learned that my body was a useful and even sexy from the ST's and that while my pictures weren't of professional caliber, nor as sexy to even my eyes as some of the others, I was accepted and embraced so I could learn how to perform for my Master when the time comes. But never once was I called ugly, nor fat, there were ways that I was appreciated for my endurance and dedication in learning how to accept my liabilitys.

All (imho) the true Dom/me's are open and non judgemental of the larger than most subs out there.

Ok, so now I feel better, if any of this makes sense. I have wanted to reply on this topic since it was posted in the beginning, but felt a bit shy.

Thanks
T

[Sir Lanceloth]

overweight to me is simply weighing so much that it is unhealthy. So the only reason for me wanting to loose weight is because of my health period... When it comes to sexuality, there is one for ewery person no matter how they look, dress or even sexual orientation (this site is a clear evidence of that), so there really is no reason to argue whether fat is sexual or not. Another proof of this is easy to find, a simple search on google would enable anyone to find many sex sites featuring fat women and men. That being said, for me sexuality has allways been centered around personality, and not body. When i first saw my gf, i didnt even notice how she looked somehow i just knew she was the one for me, and she still is.

as a last note. I find the persons who has shown their pictures on this thread to be wery brave indeed, and i would wish that tourguide would show them to Manwhore so he could see that his lame post didnt scare the beatufull peoble on this site who sent pictures to his own thread.

[bug]

i dislike this thread too....S/someone delete it *laffin*

[ProjectEuropa]

[QUOTE=bug]i dislike this thread too....QUOTE]

I think someone mentioned earlier in the thread that in places this thread has some good discussion points, the real problem with it is the original posting and the title of the thread.

I think the person who wrote the original posting was being provocative or just missing the point of what life is about. He is just exposing his own ignorance and a poverty of appreciation.

If I wasn't so opposed to censorship I would say rename the thread but that would be pandering to the ignorance of the original posting.

[Barton]

The person who started this thread was a butthole. He has been removed for being such and hopefully will never sneak in to post again. The thread however evolved into a good one and that is why it is probably still here.

[Locked Advantages]

Okay I know this topic has been around for awhile but I read all the responses and I had to do what everyone else did and state my opinion on it. from what I see there are so much young woman around my age who starve themselves to look like models, I know from experience because my younger sister was anerexic and she went to the hospital so much times in the previous three years. I know the guy who start this topic was banned and is long gone but I figured to state my opinion. Would you really want your submissive in the hospital that much?

With me I may be a little overweight, but honestly many people are, I don't mean to be offensive to anyone...but its something that many people I notice have a problem with. I know I do....I know many people try to be superficial and look at appearences first rather than what is within the person and you may do that....but when it really comes down on it, what is within really counts. Please I wish people wouldn't think this way of others, it just causes more problems with eating disorders, as long as I am happy with myself, I don't see an issue.

[alura]

You sir are quite out of your league here.
Size, shape, color....they have nothing to do with love.
Very sad mentality you have there.
True beauty lies within the soul, not the outer walls of skin that house our spirits.

[alura]

I am not heavy, but I wouldn't care if the person I ended up with was.
My ex was heavy, but I didn't care.
Most of the men I was with were not what one would call anything but 'average', and I used to get hollered at by my family and friends alike who all said "What are you doing....you could have anyone you want?"
So?
Pretty faces do not necessarily a wonderful person make.
I am looking, like everyone else on here, for that knight in shining armor.
But that doesn't mean he won't be 30 lbs overweight (or even more) driving a beat up chevy.
God. Why is everyone SO hung up on looks?
That is what is so refreshing to me about this site.
Here; looks mean crap. It's the soul that counts.
After a lifetime of being lectured for the choices I made, do you know how good that feels?
How freeing?
That (pardon my little soap box here) guys aren't hitting on me or other women in here because of the way that they look?
Someday I will find my prince. Hopefully here. I don't give a SHIT (excuse my french) what he looks like on the outside. I don't care if he's twenty years older than me...or twenty years YOUNGER. I just care if he makes me happy.
And really, isn't that, deep down, what we're all looking for?

[Locked Advantages]

When you come down to it from my eyes looks have little to do with the relationship Because how does how someone look have to do with the lifestyle or their submission? I have my picture here with me which will prove that woman who are a little overweight can be cute ::Blushes:: Now getting shy about showing it, but my former dom took it of me.

[slo18]

I dont know if this is the actual stat but I do know its close something along the lines of 54% of amrican women are size 14 or larger but being a pluse size doesnt mean u are ugly marilin monroe was a size 14 betty page was a large woman and they are both still concindered two of the greatest sex simbols of all time. Fat doesnt mean ugly, and whats ugly to one person isnt to another.

as for personality not showing though online I dont believe that, I think that its a matter of time, if its someone u are concidering meeting, its someone u have talked to for a long time if it isnt then u arnt being safe. when u talk to someone for a year or so I feel like u can get pretty good idea of there personality. but again all of this is just my opinion take it as u will