I want to thank everyone who has responded thus far, whether here or in PM's. I honestly appreciate the care and concern from all of you! You are all right about this. And yea TG, I probably did know the answers before posting this, but I guess I needed to hear it just one more (or several more) times.

Thanks Andrew and craftygirl! No he is not considerate nor caring, except when we are together. But in between counts too, at least for me. For him I don't fit in anywhere...he actually said that to me once.

ProjectEuropa...I'm so sorry you had to go through that!! No one deserves to be treated that way, not for any reason! Not you and not me! He hasn't asked me to leave my husband for him though and I don't think he would. I would be leaving my husband whether he was in the picture or not. That's another story that could last another fifty pages...lol! Sorry to open old wounds for you, but I do so appreciate your caring enough to respond.

Thanks FF...I will heed your kind advice as I too choose paranoia over death.

TG...You always ask the tough questions don't 'cha?? No he is not better than other Doms although I have met only one in r/l and that would be him. So as far as meeting someone and knowing them he is it, and I don't feel I know him that well for a whole year to have passed. The Doms I have met here, as friends (and sometimes to flirt and play!) have treated me better than he has. Yet all the ones I have met are taken or too far away, so that leaves me in the cold. Of course I'm sure I haven't had a chance to meet everyone, so who knows??

Thanks everyone and I'll let you know what happens when I call and cancel. (Please pray for me to have the strength to do that!)