To Let Go or Not??

[BabySub]

So I did nothing and eventually about three weeks ago he let me know how angry he was for coming to this site. He feels that people come here to meet others to play with only. I explained that I come here to learn mostly, but have made some good friends! And I have! He said I shouldn't tell people his business or mine. It should only be between he and I.

I have to reply to this section, and say that this is not the way that someone who is supposed to care about you should be. I think I can sort of understand the only between you and he part, after all, some things can be considered a bit too personal... but the rest of it.. oh man. For example, my Dom, albeit online only, has said to me that he understands WHY I need to be here. He knows that I need to learn and talk to others. I need to do this. He's concerned I might get hurt, but he understands. That's all I ask, and it's not much is it? So why should it be any different for you?

No he is not considerate nor caring, except when we are together. But in between counts too, at least for me. For him I don't fit in anywhere...he actually said that to me once.

Oh dear God hun, get out and get out now. ::shudders:: That's no way to speak to anyone, let alone someone as awesomely nice as you... please, leave, now if not sooner.

::hugs:: I care hun, we all care, but like TG said, ultimately the decision is yours. Decide wisely, that's all I ask.

[midnightsky]

A dom(me) should encourage you to ask questions and find answers. I encourage my subs to look around (and always suggest this forum since i thinkthis is BY FAR the most accurate) and ask here or me (or both) if they have questions.

Get out. yes, it hurts emotionally. But dont let him pull any of the emotional bs (you need me/i need you, etc)- as others have already mentioned you can't let yourself be abused or pushed around by him! It's just not worth the risks.

[slavelucy]

LTP, i'd have to say i'd probably agree with everyone else, he isn't a good person, for you personally, as a dom or as a person. However, when someone can be charming and, as TG points out, sexually appealing, it's so very, very difficult, so i hope you find the strength to make the right decision and stick to it. Try to focus not on how he once made you feel, but how he makes you feel and worry now, because i wouldn't mind betting that negative thoughts like worry, unease etc currently outweigh any good.

Goodluck and we're always here for you to come and talk to, sound off at etc.

*big hugs*

sl

[learningtopleez]

Well I did it...not with all the "This isn't working out" speech...but I canceled our meeting which was to have been today. After reading all the responses from everyone, several times over, just to make sure there wasn't one bit of hope in there...(and I guess seeing it all written out in black and white helped too), it just finally hit me. He does not care about me, he is not considerate of my feelings, he is actually rather rude and selfish and he isn't even good at being dominant. Plus he never even went down on me!!! The most wonderful thing in the world and he never even did it! I've never had that problem with any other man in my life...so I have decided that this guy has some major issues.....and I really don't want nor do I have time for that in my life! Plus I deserve better! So I called him from work during an unusually quiet afternoon (Tuesday actually). He answered (probably cause he didn't recognize the number!). I asked, as I always do, if he was busy and got a very stern Yes! So I told him my car was in the shop and I couldn't make it! He asked me to call him later that night when he would be home, but it got super busy in the ER and I didn't get off work till 2am! So someone was watching out for me, because I didn't get a chance to call and he didn't leave a message (and still hasn't), so I was not tempted to call! I was actually pissed off all over again because he didn't leave a message, which has since proven to me what I have already said! Now I know you're all thinking...well that doesn't solve anything Ltp! But... I plan on writing him an e-mail and letting him know that this time I'm done. I'm not gonna be nice or put any "I hope we can still be friends" crap in there. I'm just telling him what I feel.... I'm not getting what I need and I don't want to see him anymore. Let him figure out the rest! Or do ya think I should not write? Wouldn't that make me rude as well? So that's where it stands as of right now, and I do feel alot better knowing that I wasn't feeling badly about something for no reason! Thanks gang!

ProjectEuropa: Your absolutely correct Sir! He has no integrity!!

Nightstriker: Thanks for the bear hug Sir! But I think I will skip the doom!!!

Pandy: When I first joined and started reading here on the forums, I read about you and your PT Dom. I responded, (I think) cause some of this had already started for me then!! I'm very happy for you and proud of you! You are now the teacher for those of us that have been through an experience similar to yours! Thanks for all the great advice hun! I very much appreciate it, especially since it brought up bad memories for you. And I just love the pun on words..."Time heals all wounds and time wounds all heels" Nuff said!

Dngnkeeper: Your sunshine is due to arrive this weekend!! Thank you Sir for the wisdom and the warmth!

Babysub: Thanks hun for the hugs, sweet thoughts and advice! :yourock: Love ya!

midnightsky: Thank you Ma'am for your kind words...your right, it's not worth the risk!

slavelucy: As always you just seem to get it! Charming....he was that! Notice I said "was"!!! Thanks for the hugs hun!!

[Nightstriker]

But... I plan on writing him an e-mail and letting him know that this time I'm done. I'm not gonna be nice or put any "I hope we can still be friends" crap in there. I'm just telling him what I feel.... I'm not getting what I need and I don't want to see him anymore. Let him figure out the rest! Or do ya think I should not write? Wouldn't that make me rude as well? So that's where it stands as of right now, and I do feel alot better knowing that I wasn't feeling badly about something for no reason! Thanks gang!

Write him and tell him why. Though just don't take any crap like. "I will be better" or anything like that. From what I have read and when we talked it seems like he is no good for ya.

Nightstriker: Thanks for the bear hug Sir! But I think I will skip the doom!!

But without the doom!!!! it is just a simple bear hug. Sides after takeing the doom!!!! you can then pass it along to another, and it can start a doom!!!! cult.

Yea a doom!!!!! cult would be awesom. We could all sing the doom song.

*Begins to sing in as high a voice as I can muster.*

Doom doom doom, doom doom doom doom doom, doom doom doom

[Garnet99]

Good for you, ltp! Stick to your decision! I could not add a thing to what everyone else has said - but I completely agree that you should make your break. This man shows no concern for you at all, and the longer you stay attached, the harder it will be to leave. I'm so glad you did not meet him - you go girl!!! :congrat:

You deserve a Dom who is considerate of your needs, and does not ridicule your fantasies. There is one out there for you!

I wish you luck.

G

[slavelucy]

Crikey...well done, LTP, it is SO hard to let go of a relationship, even one you suspect isn't fair or good for you...especially when it's tied in with sexuality...i have a serious amount of respect for you for doing it.

i'm tempted to suggest just not writing to him at all, but you're right, that would be to bring yourself to his level, just write and tell him you're ending the relationship, i'd definitely not suggest being friends, it gives him a chance to get his foot back in the door and hints at a weakness that he could exploit. Plus, who the hell would want a friend like that, you're far too good for him, even in a friendship capacity.

When you feel that gap in your life for a while and miss him (not meaning to sound depressing, but you will)...come and read this thread and talk to us lot.

Love

lucy x

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Even though I didn't get any honorable mention in your last post :bawl: , I say you should write him. If nothing else, it will give you closure. What you certainly don't need is lingering emotional doubts or the feeling that some things were left unsaid between you. Get it all off your chest and don't pull any punches. You will feel a lot better for it in the long run. And you know what? Sometimes it feels pretty damned good just to get really mad.

Good luck to you. I hope you find better in the future.
:hail: :woman: :hail:

[Pandora's Box]

You're welcome. And thank you.

And thank my mother for the pun. (Now you all know where I get my wicked predilection for the bad pun. )

Write him. Don't even need to say why. He probably knows in his heart of hearts that he's an asshole anyway.

As Lucy said, when the going gets tough, come back and re-read and talk. When you can't stand on your own, let us stand for you.

[ProjectEuropa]

I do feel alot better knowing that I wasn't feeling badly about something for no reason! Thanks gang!

Just make sure you stick to your decision! Changing and going back will just make things worse than they were before!

Congrats!

[learningtopleez]

First of all I need to once again express how so very much you have all helped me through this process of letting go. I have never before felt such kindness and compassion from others who only know me through my words and posts on this forum. This truly is a community and a family! So consider yourselves adopted!!

TG Sir...I had been told by others that knew my story to get rid of him before now. I even wrote letters before, but you know that now! But it was your thread that truly opened my eyes! I am grateful that you are here, keeping us all in line , and truly thankful for your kind words since I began my rant on your thread! Btw dear Sir...you did get a honorable mention in post #7, right after FF!! I wouldn't dream of leaving you out Sir I especially don't wanna make you cry again Sir! So sorry Now that I think on it a bit, I probably should have let you write the letter! Then it wouldn't have been as wussy....lol!

Nightstriker...thanks for the plain 'ole bear hug! Just what I needed!!

Garnet99....I'm gonna keep what you said in mind and hope that there is someone out there for me....but not till I'm ready! Thanks for the encouragement! It was needed!

Pandora....thank you for being so kind! Your words mean the world to me, especially since you have been there, done this! Btw...he is an asshole!

lucy....If you have respect for what I have done, when I think you are just so smart and sweet, then I am honored! Thank you sweetie! ox

Ruby...I used your exact words at the beginning of my letter....it just sounded final....and that is the way I want it now....although you all may have to remind me of that from time to time.

ProjectEuropa...thank you again Sir! I will do my best to stick by my decision, cause I don't wanna do this again!!!

To all of you who who sent me private messages...know that I truly appreciate your kind words and encouragement also...and to my most special and dearest Sir... and you know who you are!!....H,K,& L to you!

So know that I did send the letter and expect no reply, but if I do get one I will not reply. I also deleted all messages I had saved from him (didn't take long...there were so few!) and I deleted him from my messenger, so I will not be tempted! So keep up the prayers and good will! Thanks again all!

~Ltp~

[ValKyrie]

Always remember that your needs DO count!

Too often, I see submissives who seem to take whatever their so called Dom wants to hand out, without regard for their own needs.

IMHO, the relationship is symbiotic. Your ideal Dom's needs will complement your own and there shouldn't be questions such as these.

There, having gotten that off my chest, I wish you well.

[learningtopleez]

Well it didn't take long for him to send a reply. While I was here thanking you all for your support he was sending me a reply. I have decided to post it here so that you can all read what he had to say and hopefully, once again, give me your opinions. Btw, he sounds really bitter to me, and mostly because I am married; which he knew from Day 1! So here it is... honest opinions please!!........

Don't e-mail me with your bitter remarks that I AM
mean. I've never once been mean to you. Ever. As
for the remark that I didn't give the "part of myself
that truly mattered" well my dear...I've got new for
ya...it's because you're MARRIED ! I refused to
let myself get any closer than I already had to you.
When I felt INSIDE MYSELF that I was caring TOO MUCH
for a MARRIED woman I shut off a lot of the
communication. Period.

Oh...and FYI...slaves don't dis-own Masters...Masters
release slaves upon request and careful consideration.
Take that into your next relationship should you
choose to stay in some form of the "lifestyle".

From my perspective it's YOU who doesn't
understand...not me. I tried to see you...you had
reasons you couldn't.

As for me...and my world...I'm moving to another state in a
month. I've know for a little over a month. That has
left me not quite three months to find an office, sell
my house, find somewhere to live, and still continue
to try and make a living. I've been painting my house
every night after work for the last ten days. I'm
tired...I just took a break to check my mail tonight
and got this. I listed my house lastnight, and they
are already showing it tomorrow at noon...and it's not
ready. I have to go to another state next weekend for a survey
on a boat I have under contract...I'm driving so I can
pick up the buyer in another city and state. Then...the
following WEEK I'll be in another state working 12 hr. days on
my feet at a Boat Show. THEN I get home, and
the following weekend I have to deliver some
guy's boat...that puts me at the first of March.
At which point my house needs to be sold, and I have
to open an office, and find a place to live within'
ten days.

You're right...I've been soooooo selfish (my name)...I've
been nothing but mean and nasty to you...how did you
ever stand it?

You take care of yourself too my dear, and good luck
with your future.

Don't worry...I won't contact you again.

So there it is....a very painful read, eh?? Btw I deleted places and my real name with "another state" and "my name"! I will honor his privacy even though he isn't worth it because as lucy said...I don't want to lower myself to his level. And no... I did not reply!

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Oh...and FYI...slaves don't dis-own Masters...Masters release slaves upon request and careful consideration.
Take that into your next relationship should you choose to stay in some form of the "lifestyle".

Dumbass...

[slavelucy]

Oh...and FYI...slaves don't dis-own Masters...Masters
release slaves upon request and careful consideration.
Take that into your next relationship should you
choose to stay in some form of the "lifestyle".

Oh good god, this guy is SUCH a class A wanker!

Anyone who calls someone 'dear' in such a (poorly written) email...well, it just about sums him up.

He isn't worthy of any more of your energy, LTP, he's way beneath you, as he has now just about proved.

lucy x