[QUOTE=ProjectEuropa]There are many definitions of power but the one required for this discussion I would put forward as 'A person of great influence, force or authority'
........I would imagine in many relationships one party or the other has more power than the other, should people analyse their position. The fact that a relationship is consensual means in theory no one holds power but I wonder how true that is for most couples in reality. One can always walk out of a relationship but when? If you give up a relationship too easily you will never have one of any consequence or you could hold onto a relationship so long it eats you up. A relationship is a balancing act and to succeed has to be to mutual benefit but one party can become more dependent on the other but the relationship still functions. You are defining a model relationship, not an actual relationship.

Once again, I find myself in absolute agreement with you PE, reality is murkier and more complicated than TG's excellent but slightly idealistic essay implies.
Suppose for example , a young natural submissive, with extreme fantasies of an abusive nature , meets and is taken off her feet, by an older dominant sadist, who starts moulding her to his tastes. AT this point the relationship may indeed be mutually consensual; but does that consent, therefore make it not 'abusive', even though her need for degradation , being matched by his need to degrade, results in no safe words and no limits to her abuse. It could be that the implicit imbalance between their ages, maturity of mind, experience of the world, the differential power balance in their external world ( e.g teacher/pupil, doctor/patient, boss/ employee) , compounded by her own psychological needs, removes any of the normal checks and balances, so that over time a form of of brain washing occurs, such as occurs in the stockholm syndrome ( like occurred to patty hearst), or in many abusive relationships, with the result that though the sub still fervently believing that she is fulfilling her own needs and desires in agreeing to escalating abuse, has in fact lost perspective and has effectively become brain washed, albeit to some extent of her own volition.

Now this may seem extreme, but psychologically it is all too possible , and it blurs the outlines of consent. In these borderline areas, considerable responsibility resides with the dom; if he succumbs to his impulses the situation will spiral into abuse, just as it not infrequently does in non bdsm relationships with similar unequal power balances. This situation is a particular risk where the dominant partner has a rigid unbending personality, that comes across a 'strong', but is often defensive and full of anger. In psychiatry there is a condition called 'folie a deu', where it appears that a couple ( siblings, parent/offspring, whatever) in a house are both psychotic with the same delusions; but after a spell in hospital with them separated it becomes clear that only the dominant partner is psychotic, the other has has no illness at all , but over time has adapted to the dominant partners belief systems as a psychological survival trick.