I don't think you could have put it better. Unfortunately, "armchair patriotism" has become a rather vogue, keep-up-with-the-Jonses pastime for many people. I live in the good ol' bible belt, red state, heartland of America, surrounded by no fewer than 5 military bases, and I am saddened by a lot of this red-neckish flag-waving. It really has nothig at all to do with politics, IMO. Whether you support the war or not, whether you hate Bush or not, none of it matters. True patriotism is defined by the love for your country and it's people, and what you are willing to do, sacrifice and contribute to keep it healthy, happy, and safe.
If we were drawn into WWIII and the country had to go on rations similar to during WWII, how many of these flag-wavers do you think would willingly do it because they knew it would be the only way everyone would be able to eat, even though they had to give a little up to make it happen? How many people volunteer at shelters and tutor kids at school? How many rich people support charities and their fellow man, or put a buck in the bum's cup? How many big oil tycoons support alternative fuel research, knowing that while it may mean that their pocketbook is a little thinner, it is still the best thing we can do for the country?
In other words, I agree with you. A patriot isn't someone who waves around a flag and cuts people off in traffic. A patriot is someone who whole-heartedly cares about the well-being of their country and everyone and everything in it, and makes an effort to deserve the freedoms they have.
-Phan, stepping off of soapbox