Who Really Has the Power in a DS Relationship?

[slavelucy]

i don't wish to take sides, but i will say this. Regardless of whether or not he's a moderator, this IS BDSM_Tourguide's thread, and as such, he has the same rights as all members to ask for it not to be taken off track...it is, in this respect, his property, and he could even ask for it to be locked, if he wanted, as anyone could. To this end, whilst issues of trust and abuse are constantly interesting in the realm in which we all operate, i am not convinced they are relevant here. This is to say that the fact remains that TG WAS talking about functional Ds relationships, not one's wherein one person consistantly lied to another (although that would, i'm sure, make an interesting thread in it's own right), or one that is actually tantamount to abuse as they are not even purebred, SSC Ds relationships, they are abusive ones, whatever guise they choose to veil themselves in. In my view, it seems that TG has presented a model and others have essentially said "Yes, but what if they WEREN'T in a Ds relationship?" (i.e. were lying to each other or being abused)..interesting, if veiled in DS, for sure..but if they wern't, then it isn't the point of the thread.

i think Ruby has it about right when she says...

No healthy BDSM relationship between two or more individuals should ever remove consent, giving all parties the right to refuse each other's requests.

...and i think we can safely assume this pretty much WAS what TG said, other than any BDSM relationship that isn't 'healthy' in the above described way, is not BDSM at all but is something entirely different, and i have to say, i agree with him.

No BDSM can happen without consent. Also, no BDSM can happen without awareness of risk, communication, honesty, and safety.

TG's point is that if these conditions aren't fulfilled they're not DOING BDSM, and if they're not doing it, then surely issues of abuse and trust are not relevant to this particular thread.

i see where the trust and abuse come into it on a minutiae level but i truely believe they would be more at home in other threads.

Don't pout. It's not really a becoming trait

Hmm You mean like the need to be right all the time?

(And numerous other unecessarily abrasive parts of posts from most people concerned...)

....either way, if we could ALL keep the fight clean, it'd be much appreciated.

sl