Quote Originally Posted by Slave_Violet
Do you know anything to help me out of this rut? Please respond!
Without knowing any specific details of the abuse you suffered, I cannot offer you any specific advice on it. However, there are a few threads on past abuses in these forums. Have a look at these two for starters:

Very worried that current bdsm is caused by past abuse

Does an interest in BDSM indicate a pattern of abuse in earlier life?


Hopefully, these will be helpful to you. If you have any further questions, please ask. Or if you want to share your situation with us, then the people here will listen and offer you support and caring advice.