To Let Go or Not??

[Ranai]

Hi LTP,

I did not contribute anything earlier to your thread because everyone else was giving you such excellent advice, and I don't know much about relationships where a lot of the interaction is online or per phone.

It seems to me that a lovely woman like you can do perfectly well without someone who almost exclusively talks about himself.

Might come in handy for future Dom checklists.

You are rid of him.
I wish you a light heart. :heart:

[acissej]

I'd kick his ass for you if I could. And I'd enjoy it too.

And I'd gladly help Pandora's Box kick his ass. :sword:

Good for you for getting rid of this inconsiderate, selfish prick. You deserve so much better.

[Magister]

Good for you!
I haven't heard such self-serving defensive drivel in ages.
File it and don't look back.
:bravo:

[Nightstriker]

I'd kick his ass for you if I could. And I'd enjoy it too.

And I'd gladly help Pandora's Box kick his ass. :sword:

Good for you for getting rid of this inconsiderate, selfish prick. You deserve so much better.

I have a boken that I still need to blood.

*Begins to contemplate evil things.*

[Ranai]

Hi,
just a suggestion for the ass-kicking faction.
With every sympathy, but this is a serious issue.
It might sound like fun, but I doubt that this sort of anger-cultivation talk really supports LTP.

The topic of this thread is 'To Let Go or Not?'
I'd say: Let go.

[smartass kitten]

My goodness. Geez.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that with that piece of asswipe.
*hugs LTP*

Seems like quite a few gals on here have had some serious toiletpaper dudes in your lives.

just.say.no.to.asswipes.

And just cuz this is my 100th post on this forum [took me long 'nuff], I will say publicly that I will gladly join Pandy and beat him over the head with a very hard stick.

[spirit]

i'm so glad you got out of the relationship when you did. You deserve much better than this guy had to offer you. i won't expand further as everyone has had excellent comments...just wanted to let you know that i'm glad it worked out for you.

hugs...

spirit

[e.b.]

Hey sweetie,

First, I owe you an apology for not getting to this thread WAY sooner than now. School has been crazy, but I still think it's important to put friends first and I haven't done as well as I should have with that, so I'm sorry, love. I've been thinking about you though...

At this point, let me just add a big "what they said". You are a lovely, intelligent, thoughtful woman who will make an excellent sub, if you so choose, for a dom somewhere that actually deserves you. Congrats on breaking it off for good...I know how tough that can be. Thanks also for sharing with us; it's great having you here!!

BTW, it sounds like you already know much, much more about how bdsm relationships (and relationships in general) are supposed to work than he probably ever will, so please, please don't let his clinging, obnoxious behavior and replies make you doubt yourself. He has some nerve trying to tell you how bdsm "works" considering his lack of respect and inability to take responsibility for his own behavior. You are amazing and I'm so glad you're standing up for yourself.

I hope things are going as well as possible for you with school and life. Hopefully we can find time to meet for lunch again before too long.

eb

[learningtopleez]

Well, it has been just over a week since I sent the letter and received the reply. I have not received anything further from him, and I'm quite sure I won't, due to his pride. Or it could have been what he was waiting for....a reason to be rid of me. Although, I guess for him this all came out of nowhere since he actually felt he was treating me well.

It has indeed been a very rough week for me. As many of you warned me, I do miss him, and it does still hurt. I know in my head I did the right thing, but in my heart, I have done nothing but question myself. He made me a CD once, and every time I hear certain songs on it, I miss him even more. Never told y'all that did I? So yeah, he could be nice to me, but I needed more than he was willing to give. So that leaves me where I am now....listening to songs that remind me of him, remembering his touch (whether gentle or firm), the times we laughed over something silly, his cat...yep....I had even fallen for his damn cat! This is why I don't believe in true love, at least not for me. I know risks have to be taken in order for a relationship to begin and to flourish. But every time I take those risks, I seem to get hurt. I wonder why it is that the people we fall in love with don't feel the same? Or why people that fall in love with us, we don't feel that connection with? Is it always this hard?? And confusing?? I am sure this could start a whole new thread, so I'll just go into my thank you's from the friends who responded last. Forgive me for taking so long to thank you, but I've been so busy wallowing in self pity!

Valkyrie Thank you so much for the well wishes! I like the way you think! Relationships should be symbiotic and thank you for reminding me.

TG "Dumbass!" LOL! Thank you Sir! I needed that!

Nightstriker Thank you Sir for thinking I am above that! And for wanting to kick his ass!

nibbles What can I say sug?? Your post had me ROFLMAO! You nailed it! And you put some things in perspective for me! And the subscription thing...OMG...I'm still laughing over that one! Thanks sug for being my friend and for helping me out! Don't worry, I'll be bugging you soon enough, to either bitch or cry on a shoulder!! Thanks hun!

Pandora Thanks again Pandy for your continued support throughout this whole thing! You are my inspiration! Thanks hun!

Slavelucy LMAO at Wanker!! Thanks for being here for me during such a difficult time! Even though I have said I don't think true love exists for me; you and Wontworry give me hope! Thanks hun!

Ranai You wished me a light heart...so very sweet and kind of you! Thank you for that and for worrying that the kick ass faction would upset me! (They didn't though!) It shows how thoughtful you are! I appreciate you and your kindness!

acissej Thanks for taking the time to respond to my thread! I appreciate it! And I may take you and the others up on the ass kicking

Magister Filed Sir! Still working on not looking back though.

smartasskitten Thanks for the hugs hun!! I need all I can get! I've missed seeing you around! I will remember the J.S.N.T.A.W (just say no to ass wipes) for future reference!

spirit Thanks sweetie for being here for me! I appreciate you and your kindness and am so happy to count you among my friends!

e.b. What can I say love...I am a mess! But seeing your post helped alot! Maybe by spring break, we can both take a break and have lunch again!! I would love it!! I've missed ya!

[Pandora's Box]

You'll get there hon, it'll take a bit of time. But with each day, even in incremental tiny steps, you'll get there.

Songs. Songs suck. I had those too. Even songs we didn't share, but ones that reminded me of 'us', pulled at my heart strings. Music is a weak spot of mine. Even now, certain songs will still bring about that twinge. Granted it's a different kind of twinge now. And not really painful. But I do make it a point to avoid those songs now. Used to not.

I don't want to go back. I've worked hard to move forward. Plus I have so much more now than I ever had with him.

Why does love hurt? Because we are exposing ourselves. And when the person is no longer there, it reminds us of our vulnerability.

Why is it so hit and miss with love? Because that's the way it is. I know that sounds like a cop-out answer, but that's the truth of it. It's just practical reality. Emotions can be a crazy mixed up thing, but it's not just emotions. It's personalities, minds, souls and selves. All mixed up. Some shaken, some stirred.

If one thinks of it that way, it's kind of a miracle that it works out at all.

But what I think makes the true difference is effort. People have to try. Relationships are work. They don't 'just happen'. The people involved have to not only have the 'spark' but they have to work to maintain that spark.

A lot of people don't really get that. Between Cinderella, Hollywood and our culture that expects instant results... there's a lot of misguided people out there.

My asswipe was extremely misguided. He thought love was enough. Truth is... it isn't. Love without effort is just a sentiment without actions.

To my shame, I went along with it far too long. To my pride, I got away from it and have vowed not to let it happen again. To my hope, I try to keep that promise to myself. To my joy, so far I have.

Allow yourself to feel the anger. If you are like me, on some level you feel betrayed. That anger is what kept me strong when I felt the most weak. It's okay to be angry. Just like it's okay to feel sad. But it is your anger, not your sorrow, that will see you through the hard times.

The anger will pass and after it does, with the help of compassionate friends, you'll be able to rebuild.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Love is hard...
Love defies all logic. If it didn't then none of you would do it."

- God, Joan of Arcadia (Feb 11, 2005)

[ProjectEuropa]

I wonder why it is that the people we fall in love with don't feel the same? Or why people that fall in love with us, we don't feel that connection with? Is it always this hard?? And confusing??

Love is a madness, pure and simple. Sometimes things are made easier by accepting that. When we are in love our perception of reality is thrown out of kilter.

Even when we intellectually know we are doing the right thing, the heart can be so much stronger at making us do the wrong thing.

Whether you end up taking your brain's advice or you follow your heart, I hope it all works out for you.

Still without the madness of love, life would be so much the poorer and very impoverished.

[slavelucy]

Oh, ltp...*gives you big hugs*....reading that last post, it really hit home to me how fucking brave you are...it is SO hard to give someone up..to suffer withdrawal symptoms, when you 'could' have them back..whether or not it's the right thing to do....serious, serious respect.

As for love, heh, well, love is about taking risks...and love is never perfection, IMO, but it's about having enough and being cared for enough to cause other things to become insignificant...hence, it's not about you waiting for perfection, but waiting for someone worthy enough of your time and being good enough for the odd flaw not to matter. But right now, don't fret about all that, concentrate on you, i know that sounds trite, but you're a wonderful person and don't need to necessarily be sharing that to enjoy life, keep you all for yourself for now!

Love

lucy x

[erotic_nibbles]

LTP, I hope you don't mind, but I asked Hunter to read this thread.....he said the following....

"This guy isn't a man, he's a little boy playing at being a man. A man wouldn't treat a lady that way. He's not looking for a lady in his life, he's looking for a dumpster. A place where he can push off all the shit in his life into someone else's. She's well rid of him. Good for her for having the balls to dump the bastard."

I pointed out to Hunter that you didn't have "balls"....lmao....he said, "Any woman that steps up to the plate that way and kicks someone like that out of her life, has balls in my book."

~~Hunter & nibbles~~

[learningtopleez]

But what I think makes the true difference is effort. People have to try. Relationships are work. They don't 'just happen'. The people involved have to not only have the 'spark' but they have to work to maintain that spark.

A lot of people don't really get that. Between Cinderella, Hollywood and our culture that expects instant results... there's a lot of misguided people out there.

Love without effort is just a sentiment without actions.

To my shame, I went along with it far too long. To my pride, I got away from it and have vowed not to let it happen again. To my hope, I try to keep that promise to myself. To my joy, so far I have.

Allow yourself to feel the anger. If you are like me, on some level you feel betrayed. That anger is what kept me strong when I felt the most weak. It's okay to be angry. Just like it's okay to feel sad. But it is your anger, not your sorrow, that will see you through the hard times.

The anger will pass and after it does, with the help of compassionate friends, you'll be able to rebuild.

You have a beautiful way with words Pandora...And you always know exactly what to say! Bravo to you for the "so far I have!"

I'm ready for that ager to set in....it would really be nice to be mad and not to have all this aching inside! But you have told me it will come...so I will patiently wait! Thanks again Pandy! Hugs to you from me for being here for me!!

[learningtopleez]

Love is hard...
Love defies all logic. If it didn't then none of you would do it."

- God, Joan of Arcadia (Feb 11, 2005)

Nuff said Sir!! That makes all the sense in the world to me! Thanks again TG for making something that feels so complicated very, very simple yet true! :yourock:

[learningtopleez]

Love is a madness, pure and simple. Sometimes things are made easier by accepting that. When we are in love our perception of reality is thrown out of kilter.

Even when we intellectually know we are doing the right thing, the heart can be so much stronger at making us do the wrong thing.

Whether you end up taking your brain's advice or you follow your heart, I hope it all works out for you.

Still without the madness of love, life would be so much the poorer and very impoverished.

I'll be following the brain's advice, no matter how much it hurts right now! I know he did not truly care for me. Who would wait until they are saying goodbye to tell you that they actually did have stronger feelings for you??? An idiot perhaps?? He knows I am a sensitive person and he knew how I felt even though the word love was never used. I said everything but that for fear that it would scare him off!! So he waits until I tell him no more to tell me that??? Just a ploy! I know this, yet still it hurts!
You are right though Sir...without love, life would be quite poor!
Thank you for your kind words! They mean the world to me!

~Ltp~

[learningtopleez]

Oh, ltp...*gives you big hugs*....reading that last post, it really hit home to me how fucking brave you are...it is SO hard to give someone up..to suffer withdrawal symptoms, when you 'could' have them back..whether or not it's the right thing to do....serious, serious respect.

As for love, heh, well, love is about taking risks...and love is never perfection, IMO, but it's about having enough and being cared for enough to cause other things to become insignificant...hence, it's not about you waiting for perfection, but waiting for someone worthy enough of your time and being good enough for the odd flaw not to matter. But right now, don't fret about all that, concentrate on you, i know that sounds trite, but you're a wonderful person and don't need to necessarily be sharing that to enjoy life, keep you all for yourself for now!

Love

lucy x

Thank you lucy for the hugs and kind words! I feel so honored to have your respect! Seriously...you have been one that I have admired since I joined these forums...you are making me feel special!!
Btw...I will be concentrating on just myself for awhile! I'm soon moving out to live with a friend and co-worker....so no more annoying hubby habits to deal with! Only my children will come first, then school, then work....hell I won't have too much time left to fret!!...lol!! Thanks lucy!

Love
~Ltp~

[learningtopleez]

LTP, I hope you don't mind, but I asked Hunter to read this thread.....he said the following....

"This guy isn't a man, he's a little boy playing at being a man. A man wouldn't treat a lady that way. He's not looking for a lady in his life, he's looking for a dumpster. A place where he can push off all the shit in his life into someone else's. She's well rid of him. Good for her for having the balls to dump the bastard."

I pointed out to Hunter that you didn't have "balls"....lmao....he said, "Any woman that steps up to the plate that way and kicks someone like that out of her life, has balls in my book."

~~Hunter & nibbles~~

Well of course I don't mind nibbles sug!! Hunter is quite welcome to read anything I may have lying around! LOL Just teasing!
But thank you so much Hunter for all the sweet and kind things you've said!! It's always nice to hear a man's perspective and you have made me feel that I have done the right thing (even though it still hurts like hell )
And it was quite refreshing to hear I have balls...now I can post from a different perspective on nibbles thread "With or Without Testicles"! I think I'm with most of the guy's on this one...I'll take with anyday!! LOL
Thank you Hunter and nibbles for making my day!!!

Love,

~Ltp~

[craftygirl]

And it was quite refreshing to hear I have balls...now I can post from a different perspective on nibbles thread "With or Without Testicles"! I think I'm with most of the guy's on this one...I'll take with anyday!! LOL

LTP you never fail to make me smile...........

Congrats on doing what you needed to, and big hugs cuz I know it's hard. I recently ended a 2.5 year relationship with someone whom I love and adore, but I know I can't spend the rest of my life with him. It's HARD, yes, but better in the long run.

And I can't give you any better advice than what you're already using for your signature line. Hang in there, and things will get better with time.

cg

[smartass kitten]

smartasskitten Thanks for the hugs hun!! I need all I can get! I've missed seeing you around! I will remember the J.S.N.T.A.W (just say no to ass wipes) for future reference!

*great big smartassy load of hugs*

if you ever need an ear, you can usually find me on yahoo

we should form a JSNTAW-club

[ProjectEuropa]

As for love, heh, well, love is about taking risks...and love is never perfection,
lucy x

As for love so for life. How many of us have regretted not taking a risk?

One never regrets what one has done, one always regrets what one hasn't done. Well...at least for me.

Maybe I'm at that time of life. I'm glad of the risks I took, even if they proved foolish. My biggest regrets are the things I haven't done and was too cowardly to do.

When I look back I wouldn't do everything the same, I would take the risks I never took. Maybe this is another thread.

[learningtopleez]

LTP you never fail to make me smile...........

Congrats on doing what you needed to, and big hugs cuz I know it's hard. I recently ended a 2.5 year relationship with someone whom I love and adore, but I know I can't spend the rest of my life with him. It's HARD, yes, but better in the long run.

And I can't give you any better advice than what you're already using for your signature line. Hang in there, and things will get better with time.

cg

Hugs right back atcha craftygirl! 2 1/2 years is a long time! Yes it is hard, but with all the support I have received from new and old friends here...I think I just might make it! I'm just ready to get to the place where I'm feeling that it will be better in the long run! I know, I know patience is a virtue! But I never claimed to be virtuous! Glad to know I make you smile! It's actually a part-time job I took on....making people smile....plus it make me happy...the pay sucks though!

~Ltp~

[ObsidianCaine]

Felt like adding my own say in this although I share the views that has been already expressed in this thread.

The guy was in this just for himself, that much one can see. Did he care about you? On some level he probably did but it was still mainly about him and himself with you more or less as an afterthought. Part of the whole domination/submissive aspect that I find so appealing is being able to delight and please the submissive partner, from that I get much of the satisfaction of the act knowing I could bring out such a sensation from my companion. Sure it is about getting sexual fulfillment for oneself too but it is a give and take situation to ensure both get exactly what they want and need.

Did he cross a line? Yes. It might be different if you liked how he was acting but since you did not and try to tell him so and the fact he dismissed it all shows he was at fault.

In such relationships the dominating member is often held responsible for the submissive partner in my view if nothing else since quite a few submissive people will be relying on the dominant member to act in the best interest of both.

When it is said and done you did the right thing even though it might have been hard, if nothing else you know you have friends here from the looks of things and hey no doubt a good caring Master shall step in, if not already did so.

[learningtopleez]

*great big smartassy load of hugs*

if you ever need an ear, you can usually find me on yahoo

we should form a JSNTAW-club

COOL!! Never had a big, smartassy load of hugs before!!! Thanks smartasskitten! You will be getting a knock on your yahoo door any day now!! I say we start up the club.....wanna join crafty???

~Ltp~

[learningtopleez]

Felt like adding my own say in this although I share the views that has been already expressed in this thread.

The guy was in this just for himself, that much one can see. Did he care about you? On some level he probably did but it was still mainly about him and himself with you more or less as an afterthought. Part of the whole domination/submissive aspect that I find so appealing is being able to delight and please the submissive partner, from that I get much of the satisfaction of the act knowing I could bring out such a sensation from my companion. Sure it is about getting sexual fulfillment for oneself too but it is a give and take situation to ensure both get exactly what they want and need.

Did he cross a line? Yes. It might be different if you liked how he was acting but since you did not and try to tell him so and the fact he dismissed it all shows he was at fault.

In such relationships the dominating member is often held responsible for the submissive partner in my view if nothing else since quite a few submissive people will be relying on the dominant member to act in the best interest of both.

When it is said and done you did the right thing even though it might have been hard, if nothing else you know you have friends here from the looks of things and hey no doubt a good caring Master shall step in, if not already did so.

Thank you Sir for your thoughts on my recent saga! It is nice to know that newcomers (LOL...that sounded kinky! I've been doing that a lot lately...sorry!) such as yourself would take the time to make me feel better! I appreciate your kind words! No Master yet, and I don't know that I'm quite ready for one anyway. I would want to be fair to him and myself, and until all this heartache ceases, I will concentrate just on my friends, my children, my work and school! Seems I would be too busy for heartache doesn't it?? But when the right one..."the one" comes along, I want to be rid of all past feelings, so that hopefully it will work. Until then....I'll just flirt and have fun!

~Ltp~

[smartass kitten]

COOL!! Never had a big, smartassy load of hugs before!!! Thanks smartasskitten! You will be getting a knock on your yahoo door any day now!! I say we start up the club.....wanna join crafty???
~Ltp~

You're quite welcome
Just don't knock the door down

[erotic_nibbles]

Well of course I don't mind nibbles sug!! Hunter is quite welcome to read anything I may have lying around! LOL Just teasing!
But thank you so much Hunter for all the sweet and kind things you've said!! It's always nice to hear a man's perspective and you have made me feel that I have done the right thing (even though it still hurts like hell )
And it was quite refreshing to hear I have balls...now I can post from a different perspective on nibbles thread "With or Without Testicles"! I think I'm with most of the guy's on this one...I'll take with anyday!! LOL
Thank you Hunter and nibbles for making my day!!!

Love,

~Ltp~

Hunter said to say...."Hell, Darling, women can have balls. They just have to dig a bit deeper for them than us guys do. Now that you've found yours don't let anyone bust them. I didn't really say much, but I'm happy if it helped at all."

~~Hunter & nibbles~~

[learningtopleez]

Hunter said to say...."Hell, Darling, women can have balls. They just have to dig a bit deeper for them than us guys do. Now that you've found yours don't let anyone bust them. I didn't really say much, but I'm happy if it helped at all."

~~Hunter & nibbles~~

OMG!!! They can be busted???? Just teasing you again darlin' Hunter! And you said just the right thing! Thank you sweetie!

~Ltp~

[Hunter]

OMG!!! They can be busted???? Just teasing you again darlin' Hunter! And you said just the right thing! Thank you sweetie!

~Ltp~

Hell yah they can. Have you met my ex? That's how I knew it was time to amble on. Nearly every conversation ended with 'don't bust my balls'.

Tease away darlin I can take it.