You'll get there hon, it'll take a bit of time. But with each day, even in incremental tiny steps, you'll get there.
Songs. Songs suck. I had those too. Even songs we didn't share, but ones that reminded me of 'us', pulled at my heart strings. Music is a weak spot of mine. Even now, certain songs will still bring about that twinge. Granted it's a different kind of twinge now. And not really painful. But I do make it a point to avoid those songs now. Used to not.
I don't want to go back. I've worked hard to move forward. Plus I have so much more now than I ever had with him.
Why does love hurt? Because we are exposing ourselves. And when the person is no longer there, it reminds us of our vulnerability.
Why is it so hit and miss with love? Because that's the way it is. I know that sounds like a cop-out answer, but that's the truth of it. It's just practical reality. Emotions can be a crazy mixed up thing, but it's not just emotions. It's personalities, minds, souls and selves. All mixed up. Some shaken, some stirred.
If one thinks of it that way, it's kind of a miracle that it works out at all.
But what I think makes the true difference is effort. People have to try. Relationships are work. They don't 'just happen'. The people involved have to not only have the 'spark' but they have to work to maintain that spark.
A lot of people don't really get that. Between Cinderella, Hollywood and our culture that expects instant results... there's a lot of misguided people out there.
My asswipe was extremely misguided. He thought love was enough. Truth is... it isn't. Love without effort is just a sentiment without actions.
To my shame, I went along with it far too long. To my pride, I got away from it and have vowed not to let it happen again. To my hope, I try to keep that promise to myself. To my joy, so far I have.
Allow yourself to feel the anger. If you are like me, on some level you feel betrayed. That anger is what kept me strong when I felt the most weak. It's okay to be angry. Just like it's okay to feel sad. But it is your anger, not your sorrow, that will see you through the hard times.
The anger will pass and after it does, with the help of compassionate friends, you'll be able to rebuild.