Hi Jazzman,

First up - welcome to the forums!

Right, in terms of your question, the first thing that comes into my head is the term 'trial and error' (or trial and improvement as it is now known). However experienced either of you are, you'll still be finding your feet which each other, she may have more experience but you are as new to her as she is to you. So, my main advice would be (as trite as it sounds) to talk, a lot, after a scene etc...not in a stage managed way, but talk all the same. If you have a natural rapport with her (which you must, since she clearly wants to sub to you *smiles*) and encourage her to be honest about things, then gradually you'll perfect your combined abilities.

i would also try to relax and not worry. It's commendable that you are taking both her feelings and your responsibilities seriously, but jadetiger is right when she says that her main submissive concern will likely be whether she has pleased you and if YOU have enjoyed the scene.

Finally, i don't know whether you have or not already, but i definitely recommend telling her how you feel, share your own anxieties with her and she will almost certainly naturally compensate and 'assist' more (not in an obvious or 'topping' sense), both in the scene and in her communications afterwards.

Goodluck and have fun.

sl