You’ve done well, good girl. It’s a nice little story, but here’s the problem I had—I’m a female. Yes, when you write in the first and second person, you alienate half your readers. I mean, I think I’ve got a pretty vivid imagination, but there’s just no way I can get my head around such things as: “ You pull me off of you and take your cock in your hand, stroking it.”

Now, take or leave my advice here, but while I enjoyed your story, I thought it could have had a lot more sizzle with less detail about the chicken breast and more about yours! Damn it girl, you told us all about the meal, your apartment, even what was on the television, but very little about you! Yes, it’s you (and him) your readers are interested in the most—the rest is just a back drop.

I wish you well with your future writing.