thanks, guys.

This discussion has morphed into a responsiblity discussion. Who's responsible and how to make things "ok". It's an important discussion we need to have if we're going to unlock the key to the castle here, but right now we're on two sides of a rift.

I have a tendency to be very stubborn when I make a stand. I'm trying to step back and be fair in this.

But I have a question about who's responsible for what we do.

He maintains that whatever I want is ok by him and that his feelings don't matter if I really want something. That for me to be in my position of top, he needs to be in the position of worm. That not only can I enjoy beating the crap out of him and using him as my toilet(or whatever), I have to feel he DESERVES it for being lesser than me.

Therefore in his mind I take responsibility for ALL of our actions and he's just the helpless victim.

I maintain that I don't want a worm for a husband. I want a chosen one that can meet my tests, tasks and needs. That if he's adamantly opposed to being my toilet today, I have confidence that he'll be my toilet tomorrow. That there's other ways of making me happy since he's the reason I'm enjoying what I'm doing to him, not what I'm doing to him makes me enjoy him.

And I'm using toilet games here as an example of something extremely degrading that I enjoy doing to him.

Apparently we've tripped into a fundamental flaw in the basis of our lifestyle. I see him as a hero at my whim doing my bidding. He wants to be seen as a pig forced to do terrible things.

In his mind, I keep giving him a choice to do these things by not being totally committed to a scene. I'm not taking responsibility for him by changing tactics or compromising.

I see it as biding my time, as choosing my battles, but maybe it's taking the easy way out. Thing is resistance annoys me. I tend to punish resistance with ignoring him or dropping him, and to him that feels like I gave up on him...

Thanks for listening as I try to sort this out.

EAB