Well, after (finally!) reading this thread, in my 'catching-up for my long absence', I just wanted to point out 1 thing.

Actually, there is a lot I want to add, but everyone else has already said it in one form or another.

Key word here, is IMO: RELATIONSHIP From everything I read that you claimed he said and did, then reading his 'good-bye' to you, this was NOT a relationship. This was a one sided affair (heehee it was an affair after all, you are married!) on your part, and he simply used you as a "dumpster", to fulfill some small part of himself.

Sounds to me that, he simply got tired of the maintenance. So very glad, honey, that you stuffed his garbage into his own dumpster. Hang in there, toots! Time really will heal this raw wound. And, the more you explore in places like this Forum, the more people you will meet, and someday, be able to find what will fulfill YOU!
And yes, BDSM makes for very, very strong relationships. It is a lot of work on both sides, but WOW!, worth it in the EXTREME!!!!