We made some progress!

I proposed the following agreement to my partner:
* She gives me permission to engage in self-bondage while she is around.
* She holds the only key to my bonds and frees me at a pre-specified time.
* She is not obligated to participate at all (no pressure is essential for her).
* She is welcome to watch, tease me, do whatever she wants.
* She can at anytime and without notice receive unlimited oral sex from me while I am bound (this offer never expires and she doesn't owe me anything for the service).

To my delight, she agreed to this arrangement, and we tried it last night. I gave her the key before binding my wrists together and my ankles together with my set of black leather cuffs and shiney brass padlocks. I struggled for 40 minutes nude on the bed trying to give myself an orgasm. It was a lot of fun! She did not participate this time except by freeing me at the end.

This may seem like a small step, but it's a big step for us. I'm hoping she will become comfortable with me being bound and with her holding my key. Hopefully, when she is ready, she will begin to use me as her own personal sex toy.