LTP, you're in a very transitional period. It's not going to be easy.

Whenever you're feeling weak, perhaps if you ask yourself the following questions it will help:

~ If I contact him, will he magically change?
~ Will my apology do any good? Would he be gracious and suddenly transform into the man I need?
~ Will he suddenly recognize my pain and respect it?
~ Do I really miss him or do I miss my hopes for us in the past?
~ Am I sincerely sorry or do I just want the past that never existed back?
~ Is he healthy for me?

These are the questions I asked myself when I was in your shoes.

The answers for me were:
~ No he won't change.
~ No it won't do any good. No he won't be gracious and no he won't transform.
~ Even if he does recognize it, he won't respect it; give it and me the time I need.
~ I missed my hopes more than him. For with him, came pain. How could I miss pain? I wanted more for myself.
~ No I wasn't sincerely sorry, I just wanted my hopes back.
~ No he wasn't healthy for me.

I suspect your answers would echo mine.

If they do, then keep plugging away.

It's not a matter of getting past him, it's a matter of getting through this troubling time in your life.

And it will pass.

Like my mother says: In time, this too shall pass.