Question: playing at a club

[Dngnkeeper]

**** running off to the closet to get my DM hat and vest ****

Thanks for bringing up one of my favorite things to do. I know it’s hard to find your feet the first time you are at a public play event but it’s not all that different from choosing partners for more private play. I'll share some advice form the prospective of someone who loves to play at public events and manages them as a DM (Dungeon Monitor). Much of this is from the notes for a class for people new to public dungeons. Some others have offered some of these thoughts in previous posts, but they are worth repeating.

Consider the location of the club, is this a private club or a bar type place. A private club or a bar night run by a local group is going to be a safer and more fun place to meet new people than an open play night at a bar. If alcohol is available make sure neither you nor your play partner have had any until after you play. This is particularly important in bars. Also find out if there DM’s present and if there are any house rules. Please read, understand and follow the rules. If there are no DMs or rules consider only playing with someone that you know well. DMs are the Lifeguards of the dungeon, and the final arbitrator of what is safe and within the rules, without them things can get out of hand, particularly if alcohol is present. DMs also are a good source of advice on people to meet with particular talents and skills. Don’t be afraid to introduce your self and ask who to approach about something you are interested in. Also before you play have a quick chat with a DM about what equipment you are using and what you are up to. If you have any concerns this is the time to voice them to the DM. They are there to keep things safe and within your limits and call a halt to things that aren’t.

You mentioned you were at the club with friends. They are another line of safety for you. Hopefully they would be willing to watch your play and look out for your limits, calling in the DM if necessary. Remember to reciprocate.

Now you have gotten the lay of the land and know the rules its time to look for a play partner. A good approach if you plan to return to the club again is just to watch the first couple of times through. Grab a beverage and pull up a chair and see who is doing what to whom. Keep in mind that talking from the visitor’s gallery is bad form, and if a conversation comes to hand please move out of the play area. This will give you good first hand knowledge of types of things a Dom is capable of doing and how they run the scene and if they respect limits. If you are a Dom in search of a sub then you will get a feel for their likes and abilities. Then you can approach them after they have concluded the scene and after care.

Another way to meet the certin someone is to ask around. Meet some folks and ask who they know is interested in the same things you are. In either case before you play you need to get some references. This is important whether you are looking for a Dom or sub. Don’t forget DM’s can be a great source if information. I know from my experience DM’s can point out people they know from other venues that might not be known to the locals.

Now you have watched and asked around and found the person that may be your partner for the night. If your goal is just to play for the night, don’t be too picky on looks, age and, if you are comfortable with it, gender. The old bald guy may be the local wizard of the single tail or the leather dyke may be Mistress of the cane. If your intent is for the relationship to last past closing time then of course personal tastes will apply. So now you need to talk. If you haven’t already gotten references now is the time to ask for them and check them out. If you find out they don’t want to offer them or are offended by your asking then this is the time to move on. This is not the mark of a respectable Dom or sub. Also keep in mind your offer may be rejected for many reasons. Don’t get mad or depressed, thank them, ask if they can recommend any one else and move on.

Next you need to negotiate the evening’s activities and limits. Hopefully before you go you will have given some thought and will have set limits for your play that trip. While you are talking with prospective play partners is not the time to be figuring out your limits. Stick to them. Remember to be specific and complete. You can’t expect someone to know that you conceder your ears and “intimate place”. If you haven’t specifically said this is a limit you can’t fault them if the break it. Subs should always ask about Doms limits too.

Now is the time to tell your prospective partner what it is you would like to do. Don’t forget to included your experience, or lack of, with the proposed events. It’s important for a Dom to know if you haven’t done this before so they can help prepare you for this type of play. Also this is the time to tell the Dom of any health concerns, or injuries that even remotely effect your time together. If you have a bad shoulder or back, diabetes, a history of seizures or any of the myriad of things that can affect your play they need to know about them so they can factor them in on watch out for your safety. Don’t lie here it can come back to haunt you. Just because it hasn’t bothered you in a while doesn’t mean it wont today.

Keep in mind there some things that you just should not expect or ask to do in a public space. On this list is any kind of insertables, dildos, plugs, vibrators etc. As you noted you don’t know it the stuff is clean and it probably against the rules. Also any type of blood play that would involve breaking the skin. Any type of breath play will be prohibited. And then there are the things that if permitted, will require DM approval and may be limited to certin areas. These include any type of fire play, open flames or heat generating sources, anything that makes a mess, off the floor suspension, take down scenes and other types that romp around. You should always ask the DM’s first. Also there are certain things that are disruptive that the DM might intervene on such as, excessive screaming and hollering which will usually get a request from the DM for a gag or a change in plan. Also scenes where the Dom and sub have loud verbal exchanges are generally frowned on unless there is a place for them. Remember that others are playing in close proximity and the DM will intervene if you disturb the neighbors.

So now if all is good its time to play. You and your partner are happy and trotting off to the dungeon to play. One of the first things you need to do is make sure your area is clean. Frequently the dungeon will have cleaning supplies, the Dom always should, and even if the folks before you cleaned up its still a good idea to give it a once over. For subs take a minute to look over the Doms kit. Are things like gags clean and in their own packages to keep them that way? Do they have the lovely latex gloves for scenes that may need them, if not the dungeon should. Are any cuffs or restraints up to the job and in good condition? If you are doing rope bondage is the rope clean, in good condition and appropriate for use on the body? Also take a look at the furniture, is it in good condition, does it wobble, and are there rough spots that might cause harm? Give it a shake, a bump, a bang, do a chin up. The 300 pound gorilla that was playing last may have broken it and you don’t want to find out the hard way. If its bad let the DM know, so they can take it out of service and have them move you else where. Remember if you don’t like what you see, even at this point, either of you can still say no and call the whole thing off.

So all is well, the DM knows what you are up to, your friend is at your side and the fun has begun. Relax and enjoy, you did your prep and homework and all is right with the world. Woo Ho!!

After the fun is over there still a few things. After care, well of course. Hug’s and cuddles or what ever floats your boat. Don’t forget to clean up after yourself, well if you can move. Don’t to forget to thank you partner for the good time and share a little. It’s sort of impolite to play and run. Remember to collect all your bits and pieces, DM’s find all sorts of things at the end of the night.

So thats the short version of the “How to have fun in the Dungeon” class we put on for big events.

I hope the lengthy tomb wasn’t too long and helped some. I know others will have some experiences to share here too.

I hope you enjoy the public play as much as I do.