WannabeXopsed and Ruby,
My Master will be pleased by your praise, but I do not feel proud, I see this as a failure. I should have stopped. I have spent all morning thinking about it and what I realized has left me shaken.

My fantasies have always involved someone else causing me pain with me enduring the torture. What happened last night was I causing me extreme pain for the pleasure of another. This is something that never even crossed my mind. I would call me stupid but that would be too generous. In an online relationship it will always be me that has to cause the pain for the pleasure of my master. This fact has me on an emotional roller coaster ride right now. I do not even know if I can report to my master this afternoon.

I will try to dry my tears and head back to work. It will only add to my shame to cry at work. They have only seen me cry once in my life and that was when my father died. Hopefully the emotions will relent and I can try a figure out why this has upset me so much.

P.S. I will draw my strength from you wonderfully ladies because right now I am all out. I really wish I could understand why this is making me cry. I hate crying it is so illogical and I just want it to stop.