Okay-
I had to comment here because my biggest turn-on is major humiliation.

WyldWyl, my first thought as I read your question was why is humiliating someone so worrisome to you vs. giving her pain? I have found this feeling from others though, as well (not necessarily here)- and that is why until recently I have been inhibited about sharing my humiliation fantasies and desires.

BUT, really, breaking it down- everything in BDSM can be looked at questionably under the "ethical" lens- what is "wrong" with someone who takes pleasure in being whipped? having their genitals tortured? will indulging those kinks harm them by feeding some deep-seated psychological defect?

I am curious as to why you separate humiliation, in this respect, from any other BDSM areas.

I have had the inner conflicts to some extent about the possibility that my needs reflect some turmoil in my psyche. However, I realized that my needs are not going away, and more than that, in each D/s relationship I have had, I have felt a thousand times better and healthier about myself and life.

Which brings me to my last point- WyldWyld, as many here have pointed out, as a master, you must be communicative and perceptive enough to know the mental and emotional health of your sub/ slave. When you reach that state of insight, you will know if you are being helpful or harmful. If you are just talking about "scening", "topping" someone, well, either you feel comfortable doing what you're doing or you don't- so just do it or don't do it, but don't dwell on these thoughts. That's just casual sex and if you feel guilty about it, you may as well not do it b/c you're not enjoying it anyway.

If you are speaking of a full relationship, you will see the sub/ slave blossom and overcome any emotional issues she may have. Oh, and I agree with you heartily about tenderness and comfort afterwards- and in fact all the time. With my last master, no matter how he may have tortured me at times, I always knew he loved me- he was always affectionate and tender and loving (outside of slapping the shit out of me or spitting on me lol )

I know I have not been as articulate and clear as possible here- I apologize, but anyway, good luck Wyl- feel free to pm me if you'd like