Rose, H Dean,

Thanks for the kind comments. I was trying to do something a little unexpected. I wanted to create a predicament that would gradually be revealed to be worse and worse, as the story progressed.

I agree with grammar and proofreading tweeks that you've caught.

One question I had was on the use of quotations in dialogue. I tend to use a lot of dialogue in my stories, because it let's the characters reveal their thoughts without the narrator having to explain them. But it also creates the potential for a lot of "....," he said. "....," she said, which can be awkward. I noticed that in one of the posts below Dragon's Muse cautioned about too much of that. Sometime I'd like to get your opinions about the ways to handle long dialogue in stories.

Also, you mentioned maybe submitting it on the main stories page. I think I found the place for submitting stories, do I just go there and enter the information to submit it?

Thanks again for the quick feedback!

-Trish