Sub vs. Stock?

[orchidsoul]

Further, In a DS relationship, i think the very nature of it makes it LESS likely to be harmful, as the change is neither manipulative or subversive, quite the opposite in fact; a sub goes into a relationship hoping a dominant will help him/her grow and offer them guidance when necessary, but will ALWAYS encourage them to think for themselves...in a vanilla relationship, people often drift into it, believing they will remain themselves and come out of it as different people, not necessarily worst, but i'm of the view that knowledge and understanding of a situation always makes it less likely to have unwanted side effects.

That's a great answer Lucy. When I read this paragraph, it suddenly made all the sense in the world. And I think you are completely right about maybe more inadvertently occuring in a vanilla relationship since the partners are technically not intentionally molding their partners, but often it occurs. Again- people falling into behavioral patterns instinctively.
Thank you so much!

But how does even the dominant prevent themselves from inadvertantly crossing that line? Fuck, but that's a good question!

ROFLMAO!!!

Possibly, yes, there is NO room for verbally softening or fudging a worry or concern or hoping a nagging doubt will just go away, in BDSM. The rot sets in from there, IMO.

And this is why I am so attracted to D/s relationships. The level they delve to, the unbelievable level of communication and, more importantly, listening.
It, aside from all the sexual elements, is almost the greatest excercise a human being can go through to understand themselves and others.

...discussion (and acting on that discussion) is essential to ensure that the submissive is encouraged/led/taught to be changed in the 'right' way for that relationship.

Again, makes perfect sense. Every one is aware of what's occuring as opposed to our other "normal" relationships where, aside from people manipulating, it generally occurs subconsciously. It's also clear why Lucy and yourself are raging love and hormones together!


ProjectEuropa, Wontworry, and Barton all emphasized the need for communication and Lucy, you helped me understand how that communication manifests itself positively. Thank you all for helping me understand.

~orchidsoul