Quote Originally Posted by Finding_Fantasy
Hardly anyone talks about the other elements. They only talk about the activities that got them aroused. It sometimes makes me feel that there really isn't anything else to BDSM so what's the point of continuing and that, perhaps, I am not a submissive because of what the general population alludes as to what makes a good submissive. You don't read about how someone artistically a cup of coffee or what have you, only how they were beaten silly, got outrageously horny, and then being fucked into a coma. Little to nothing is said about all the rest. I've looked for the rest, but all I come up with is sex.
Simply put "sex sells" and there isn't enough well written literature that explores the whole dynamic of the relationship.

For example, why did I go the doctor and get medicine last week for my cold. Not because I wanted to, I was going to tough it out. But because my T said, that's it, you're going today fpr me. Okay. For him, yup, I'll do it.

Quote Originally Posted by Jadetiger
The urge to please and serve someone on a more basic and mental level. This is the part of being a submissive that I can't seem to grasp totally. Everyone talks about a submissive mindset and it means different things to different people. While I can perform my tasks successfully I feel like I have still not succeeded because I do not do it all for my master's pleasure.
Jade, you bring up an interesting part of your journey. Let's be real here, of course it's not all for him. If a part of it wasn't for you, it wouldn't be satisfying to do the task.

The more my hubby and I explore this part of our lives, the more I realize how role reversed we had become when we were having marital problems. My external persona is so very dominant that I was bringing that part of me home. Now, it's much easier for me to flip that switch in my brain and move into more of a submissive role and I do take pride in the little things that make him happy. Those types of things that Teni, FF, sl and Barton mentioned.

TG - another well done essay. I've been thinking about it all day, because my first inclination was to argue with you. And then I realized why - it was this line:
There is a difference between kinky sex and BDSM.

I agree that there is a difference between kinky sex and a D/S relationship, and I believe that those in a D/S relationship can enjoy kinky sex.