Quote Originally Posted by subthoughts
I wonder about this a good deal. I am sexually submissive, but in my everyday life I am almost absurdly toppish. While flipping that switch in my head is very do-able in a sexual situation, and while I love to do the little things for people I care about as an expression of my affection, I have never made the leap to having a long-term relationship in which service was a feature. Perhaps I just don't have it in me, or perhaps none of my partners has happened to want that. But I feel a little bashed by reading that sexualized submission is somehow 'less than' service oriented submission. It's tough enough to find a way to walk this non-mainstream path without being told that what you feel is inadequate. Ouch.
Subthoughts,
I too have gotten the impression that I am lacking because I don't feel this great need for service-oriented submission. I am glad I am not the only one who has felt it. It is obviously important to a lot of people but our sexual submission is just as valid as their service-oriented submission. What we need to understand is that we may be a minority and may be send as lacking by some who do not find this part of BDSM as a turn on or true submission. This is really okay as far as I see it because we would not pick them as our Dom or Domme anyway. In truth it boils down to matching the right people and needs together to form a good and successful relationship, which is what BDSM is about. We are all unique individuals with our own ideas and needs. We will not always understand each other but we can accept each other opinions.