To all the wonderful people who are helping me to grow and who are helping me understand what being submissive is all about.

Ladies, I really do love and treasure you all. Specially hug t you all for helping me to understand what kind of love it is: a perfect example of a sub's devotion, worship and love for their master.

WB,
I wish that was true. My threshold to pain is not amazing. I realized after the task was done that I was taking the pain to impress Saracen. I wanted him to think I was special and that I would do it for him and him alone. It seems my heart has already chosen Saracen as my Dom.

Caitlin,
Yes you are right but you already knew that. I do consider Saracen my Dom. My need to give him what I think he wants out weighs even logic at times. I will leave those concerns for Saracen to deal with because I am having enough problems dealing with myself. He will have the control so I need to give him my trust. Someone has to keep a level head on their her shoulders because it is not going to be me. LOL

Alura,
Yes it is turning out to be a big surprise to me too. I really don’t think I am that much into pain. I think my problem is I think Saracen is and I want to please him. The need to please him is so very strong. When I do a task for him I get a kind of power knowing I am doing something for him. It gives me strength to over come the pain, fear and also makes me horny as hell. Sometimes I am to scared and the emotions are to high for me to complete a task. I am trying to get a better handle on that. It distresses Saracen to see me cry. Saracen was so understanding that it made me feel bad to be acting so silly. If it wasn’t the support I constantly get. I would have run by now.

Ruby,
You always touch my soul with your words and love. You always address the logical side of me so I can understand how naturally my feelings really are. Yes I was feeling guilty about having such intense feelings for Saracen. I really don’t know what type of love we are talking about. I have never felt this was before. I want him to think I am special, I want him to be proud of me, I want him to know I will always do my best to please him, I want him to know that what he is giving me is filling an empty void deep inside and I want him to know he is the only one who makes me feel this way. Please if someone knows what kind of love it is tell me because the emotions are so strong and intense that I can’t put a name on it.

Sorry Ruby. I am being dramatic. I couldn’t do a task for Saracen today and started crying. I have never felt so ashamed as I did at that moment. I never wanted him to see my tears. I really wanted him to think I was strong enough to do whatever he asked.

So I guess I need to talked about my day. LOL Need a little break first then I will let everyone know what I have up too. Coffee, coffee and more coffee.

Damn I am out of Kleenex.

Hugs and Kisses,
Jade