I cannot even explain how happy I am at the moment. Although I was not able to perform all of Saracen's tasks in preparation for our day together he was not angry with me. I did masturbate on Sunday twice and once early this morning. I normally do not orgasm so his command not to cum was easy to follow but I could not fantasize about him like I wanted to.

I have a phobia about being hit and even a bigger one about hitting myself. My first reaction was to my new toys. The paddle and whips. Saracen was great in telling me how to them so I wouldn't be so afraid. He did this last week.

I was really scared he would ask me to use them for our session today. I was even blaming Saracen a little for things he knew nothing about. I was in a big panic about it last night and not feeling at all submissive. You must all understand that I bought these toys all by myself. Saracen did not request that I get any of them. I bought things I thought Saracen would like and he did approve of my choices. My friends helped me through the panic and made me realize that I did trust Saracen to help me through whatever he requests of me.

Dealing with past abuse is always hard but I knew I could do it if Saracen helped. I was even cocky enough to mention that I was no longer riding high on my submissive cloud anymore. With shock and joy I realized I was wrong as soon as he typed hello. The need to serve and please him washed over me again. It is strange but it is kind of like being filled with power. All the things I had been worrying about seemed to disappear. I knew I could almost anything he asked me too.

The binding my breasts, wearing the nipple weights and wearing the gag ball was extremely easy for me to do for Saracen. But I couldn't believe that I did everything else he asked as well. I hit myself with the paddle, I masturbated while he watched, I even showed him my body (although he did let me keep some of me covered) and I came for him while he watched me. All of these things are things I never thought I could do for Saracen.

I will have to admit I was so hot that I took the paddle and my electric toothbrush to the bedroom. I place a couple of clothespins on my nipples and spread my legs wide while I pretended Saracen was whipping my pussy with the paddle. I could only strike myself 5 times then I masturbated again. I came so hard. I pretended that I was punished for cumming without permission. Five more strikes on my pussy and five on my inner thigh. By the way that hurts even if you aren't hitting hard. So my fantasy continue with Saracen's commanding me to masturbate and not cum which was very hard to do at this point. He tormented me by pulling on the clothespin, trying to force me to orgasm again with the pain. By the way ladies this is when I started begging my fantasy Saracen to cum. My very kind Master let me several times. I am still boiling inside but I do not want Saracen to worry about me hurting myself so I have put the toys away.

The fantasy is a gift for you Master since I was unable to do it early.

I only wish I had a camera in the bedroom so you could see what you did to me and the freedom you gave me today.

Thank You Master

Your sub Jade