Orchidsoul, Caitlin and Ruby,
Yes it was a wonderful day. I have also taken all your advice and started talking to Saracen as you suggested. He can't help guide me if he doesn't know what I am thinking and why. I told him the feelings behind the Yes Master today. It just was so much easier to just say Yes Master than open up. I did today and he did not get mad or angry. I'm sure he was surprised to find that the Yes Master had anger behind it. Not at him but anger that I didn't know if I could successfully do his task alone. I am a chicken. I think of the worst possible pain and feelings just so I can prepare myself to take it then deep inside I pray that I am wrong. Not talking only increases my fears of pain as well as my fear of failing Saracen. By the way ladies he still left me squirming over the new toy I will buy but I now know I will not be alone when I use them. Doms really do have an evil streak. He has my full attention and focus, which was his plan all along.

It is so strange to me this feeling I get with Saracen. I have never felt it before. I have played with many Dom's and while I respect many of them and even have been excited by the time I spent with them nothing compares to the submissive mind set I transform into when Saracen is with me. I find myself telling or giving him ideas when I know I should keep my mouth shut.

I do not believe Saracen's needs my help in coming up with tasks that he would like for me to perform. The ideas are not even ones that I think I will like either. They are ones that I think Saracen would be interested in seeing his sub perform. I really gave it some thought. I do believe PE was right when he say I am a lost woman. Why else would I be trying to keep Saracen's interests by making suggestions that scare the shit out of me. I do have it bad but isn't that what submission is about. Wanting to please someone else without tempering it for your own purposes or needs.

I feel much closer and safer in Saracen's care. I realize that he has an evil sense of humor, which I find very attractive. He has no problem giving his sub enough rope to hang herself or in our case to tie herself up with. My trust is growing with each word he types even when he is teasing and scaring me. But I really should learn to keep my mouth shut or I may have to learned it by sore body parts.

Saracen's sub,
Jade