Wow! This is an excellent essay and you've summed up your desires very well. I am very attracted to sadistic lovers and often write about them.

In real life, I want something a bit different than you describe below.

Quote Originally Posted by scandalous pleasure
It's that I deeply desire the man I serve to be turned on by giving me pain, not just that he is enjoying it because it arouses me. I want to think he would enjoy it even if it DIDN'T arouse me.
My lifemate isn't into S&M, though he is into dominating me when we play. If he's getting rough and I'm getting aroused, we both win. If he's spanking me with the riding crop or flogger and I'm loving every minute, hey, great stuff.

However, if he is/was getting off on my being in pain and I'm not, I'd have a problem with that. In my mind, that response from him would lead towards abuse. I want a lover who's more "into me" than "into causing me pain".

Who else has thought about this? Do tell. Inquiring minds want to know.