Reviews requested

[thezigg]

I wrote this about a year ago and am thinking of writing another one. Anyone want to read this and tell me what you think? What was good (if anything) and what was bad?

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/stories/s...p?storyid=4661

[ElectricBadger]

The story is good, I hope you continue it!

It had a great build up, nice background info that made it all believable -- I liked some of the touches, the conversation that made Allie cease being his friend, etc. I also liked the progression of kink...it's so easy to start off with everything all at once.

As for improvements, the first would be a quick spell check; it's not horrid, but there are quite a few typos. It might also be nice to hear how the rest of his life is going during all of this...as of the mid point, he seems to not be missed at work, or strange at home, or anything; not necessary, but it could add another dimension to him.

[Mad Lews]

The story is quite well written, plotted out with care, no real inconsistencies.
Couple of typos, pronoun gaffs (He substituted for she can make the reader stumble for a few secs)
and those damn homonyms do rear their ugly head on occasion. It's all minor stuff that tends to be inevitable on a long story so an independent proof read or three will always help.
The major problem was a lack of an ending, readers do like something to close on.
Of course maybe that is in the works.
Mad Lews

[tessa]

Electric Badger and Mad Lews have said it all, and said it very well. Their suggestions will make your good story a really well-done one. I will echo Mr. Mad's point about the ending. It needs a more certain closure.

Good luck in your writing.

tessa