Reviews requested

[Mad Lews]

The story is quite well written, plotted out with care, no real inconsistencies.
Couple of typos, pronoun gaffs (He substituted for she can make the reader stumble for a few secs)
and those damn homonyms do rear their ugly head on occasion. It's all minor stuff that tends to be inevitable on a long story so an independent proof read or three will always help.
The major problem was a lack of an ending, readers do like something to close on.
Of course maybe that is in the works.
Mad Lews

[tessa]

Electric Badger and Mad Lews have said it all, and said it very well. Their suggestions will make your good story a really well-done one. I will echo Mr. Mad's point about the ending. It needs a more certain closure.

Good luck in your writing.

tessa