To push or back off????

[oneslave4me]

That's all I can tell you. It can't be his choice, even though we both know he really wants it deep down. Of course, if you've read my previous post, you can tell he has a lot of issues and is hugely conflicted about being dominated.

It DOES get confusing.

good luck,

[Ruby]

My advice: Be consistent.

It's not about pushing or backing off, it's about being clear in what you want and expect from him.

He may be testing your commitment as well as his own. The more consistent you are, the easier and less confusing it will be for him (and you).

To a long and successful healthy relationship with your man,

Ruby

[kist]

I can only speak for myself but pushing is something i did a lot of ~especially in the beginning. I needed to know my boundaries _and_ have them enforced. I needed to know He was stronger than me.
Sometimes i still push. Especially when i cannot identify my feelings. Just the other day after a spanking ( i need spankings as they keep me centered somehow)..anyhow He asking me to tell Him how i felt and i couldnt. Instead i reached out and pinched His nipple hard. Of course, then i got the belt. And that is just what i needed - to break down and cry and _feel_.
But thats me. I've looked after everyone else all my life, this is the first relationship where i've been able to be safe.
Hope that makes sense
kist

[Adamoverjules]

I would have to agree with Ruby on this one, you can't let him off one day and be super strict the next....whatever you do Monday, do on Tuesday and so on...
While I don't exactly know what it takes to submit to someone, I do understand that it's something, as one special girl put it to me, she wanted to 'give it and not get it back...ever.'
Good luck

[His_little one]

Being submissive is completely about being able to trust someone THAT much - if that someone is inconsistent and unpredictable how can we trust them with our submission. Subs want to feel safe and looked after; we need to know that even though we aren't in control of the situation the situation IS under control. I love knowing that I can 99.9% of the time predict his reaction - if I’m testing the boundaries chances are I’m not testing them because I am oblivious to where they are but because I am testing his consistency. In my eyes being consistent and predictable (In your reaction to situations, not necessarily in what’s to come I scenes) is the only way to earn a subs total trust and submission. Submission is NOT an easy thing to give up, and yes, sometimes it needs to be coaxed out of us, but as a Dominant you need to be consistent and patient - so that when your sub is ready to give it up completely, they can -- and will, and if its as perfect as it is for me, they'll never want it back.

[ModestRose]

I appreciate everyone's input the past couple days. Ive been thinking. He wants to try being my slave, but I think he's holding onto that "quick release button" too much. It seems the days when he's not in the mood are the days he's saying he wants to do it but he doesnt want to do it...no matter how consistant I am being. As long as he's holding onto the quick release he has no real reason to really get serious about it all. So, I was considering making a deal with him for now....21 days with all my rules, and sticking to them with no changing his mind every other day no matter what. And then on the 22nd day he can make his final decision and stick with that decision. I believe it would take away the quick release button and get him into actually trying it with his full mind and body. What does everyone think? :cuckoo:

[Ruby]

ModestRose,

The 24/7 thing is what's hardest to swallow. I've been the submissive in the relationship with my hubby in the bedroom for a very long time. Yet I have no desire to be a 24/7 sub.

Even my pet and I are friends first, playmates second.

Very few can live and be happy in that 24/7 role and 21 days just doesn't seem like enough time to make that decision or too much. He either wants it or he doesn't.
If he doesn't want it with all of his being, do you want it for him?

What is the final decision you are asking him to make?