Dear Mistress Ruby,

Thank you so very much for your wonderful and sensitive post. You are absolutely correct, that by my submission I have made my wife very happy. However, by my questioning it, feeling guilt because of the pleasure it gives me, she has become less so. It is, indeed, high time to accept myself (50-something) as a sensuous, loving adult whose task is to make his wife as happy as possible and to give her as much pleasure as possible.

Your questions are extremely insightful and have enabled me to put my feelings about my submission and our relationship into perspective:

Are you harming anyone?--ABSOLUTELY NOT
Are you giving your wife pleasure?-- ABSOLUTELY YES
Does what you do when you play bring yourself pleasure? ABSOLUTELY YES
Are the boundaries and safeguards between the two of you protective and loving? --TOTALLY PROTECTIVE AND LOVING
Is she asking you do to do something you don't want and can you say no?--She is not asking me to do anything I don't want and I can say no whenever I choose
Does she respect you any less or more because of your gift of submission?--I believe she respects me more because of my gift of submission.

And you are, of course, correct that I am judging myself from the perspective of the outside world and how "different" and, yes, somewhat "kinky" ours is. We have discussed this issue, and she is completely OK with it and completely comfortable with herself as my Domme and completely accepting of me as her submissive. She has told me several times, I think to reassure me, that each relationship is different, no one knows what goes on in anyone else's marriage/relationship, each relationship has its own dynamics based on the needs of the partners--and this is the one that works for us. She has told me that her greatest pleasure is derived from seeing me released completely from all sexual constraints through my submission to her. It is ironic that it is my submission to her that has freed me from the psychological bondage to those inhibitions and fears that have so long blighted my life and our relationship.

Thank you so much,
steve