Need help to accept submission with joy

[steve_submits]

Dear Ranai,

I have been trying so hard to figure out the possible psychological sources of the feelings of "shame," which my conscious mind knows are unfounded, that I never considered your most practical suggestion:

"If thoughts and feelings of shame that you know to be irrational and unfounded in the light of your loving and mutually satisfying relationship show up in your mind, there is no need to battle against them. Look at the thoughts. Name them. Identify them. Identify where they come from. Let them pass. If they show up again, let them pass again."

That is so sensible and practical compared to the nearly impossible task of uncovering those "deep" reasons for the irrational feelings. Identify the source (negative cultural conditioning, in the case of D/s or BDSM), then let the feelings go....eventually they should pass on to the graveyard of false premises. I am putting your concept of naming and letting go into practice starting--NOW.

I only wish that I were able to fully live up to your most gracious conclusion in which you congratulate my wife "on having such a wonderful man by her side and occasionally at her feet."

In reality, it is she who should be congratulated for having put up with me for so many years and for forgiving me for endlessly backsliding. She is the most loving and forgiving of Dommes and it is I who must do far more to earn the right to be not only by her side but also the right to worship at her feet.

steve

P.S. I have always enjoyed Dorothy Sayers and her Lord Peter Wimsey. The quote is most appropriate.

[her_Joe]

[QUOTE=steve_submits]

In reality, it is she who should be congratulated for having put up with me for so many years and for forgiving me for endlessly backsliding. She is the most loving and forgiving of Dommes and it is I who must do far more to earn the right to be not only by her side but also the right to worship at her feet.

QUOTE]

A lovely bit of submission, Steve. She will, I'm sure, appreciate your effort and you will both thrill at your success.

[Desdemon]

I too am not 'experienced' but I offer my observations any way, cuz I'm like that
I find that I struggle with feeling selfish and demanding after the fact. I melt and cannot focus on anything but the sensations he plays out on my body when he does certain things to me...I found this very troubleing, and still do a bit I guess...

But, I asked him about it. He reassured me that *having* that effect, that control is what satisfies him, for the most part. If he desires something more specific, all he need do is tell me what he wants.

I sometimes have trouble 'accepting' my responses, after we play. He seems more tuned into my residual feelings than I am sometimes...Things, emotions I've learned to just brush off, he forces me to deal with. And that's an amazing and wonderful gift. If something is emotionally challenging for me, I'll tend to swallow the frustration if left alone. He is relentless in insisting that I let out whatever the emotion is. It is uncomfortable for me, but so much healthier...

Is it possible that your Domme, being as new to her role as you are to yours, might need to learn *how* to bring you back to ground without allowing you to assigne blame? This sounds so simple that I cringe in posting it, however in my experience, it's the glue that holds me together after he breaks me, and keeps me coming back for more from Him.

[Locked Advantages]

From what I've learned from being in the lifestyle is you need to accept who you are and most just listen to society and are afraid to do just that since they don't see the truth in what life has to offer them and what they can hol throughout their lifes...most don't see all the goodness,they just look at the negativity. I know this isn't a good explaination but in my eyes it worked for me

[steve_submits]

I find that it is the feeling of becoming more "animal" than "human" when I submit so completely that I enter subspace that I have found disturbing. I relate very much to your Petgirls concept: "Being a pet shows one that you love and adore them, a object is something they can use. But when your Less Than human, can they love and cherish you more than anything through this deep submission?" I do believe that my Domme does love and cherish me more than anything when I submit so deeply...but I must learn to love and cherish myself when I go into that state.

Is your website limited to female subs or can males who feel that they have become "Petboys" join the discussion as well?

steve