I agree completely, and notice so much of one (BDSM/vanilla) bleeding into the other that I've adopted -- in my own mind -- a different approach to keep it a little bit straight.

I mean: vanilla folk tease, and BDSM folk use the missionary .... so the diff is?

I think it's attitude. BDSM folk are open to experiment, perhaps with limits, but also without judgment. Vanilla folk are closed and judgmental about any practice that doesn't fit their idea of what is "normal." BDSM cherishes difference. Vanilla doesn't like change.

IMO of course.

her_Joe