The collar big deal or no?

[Dngnkeeper]

Woodchuck a collar is as important as the two of you want it to be. For most people they represent a commitment between two people to the relationship and serve as an outward sign of the BDSM aspects of the relationship.

The eternity collars are very nice and simple, their sublule design allows them to be worn 24/7 with out calling too much attention, but are recognized easily by those in the lifestyle.

Good Luck with your journy.

[Ruby]

I agree with Dngnkeeper on this one. It's really up to the couple.

Nathaniel, my pet, wears a collar for me in private. He looks pretty adorable with the leash between his lips. Having him in a collar was and continues to be a big deal for us. We had a very nice ceremony for the first time he put it on. If we ever decide to go to an event as a couple, you bet he'll be wearing his collar. He's mine, all mine!

Yes, as blu confirmed, the domme part of me wants him marked as very taken.

My husband, T, has a ring on my finger and I have one on him. The collar isn't as important to T. Yet we recently went to an anime convention and I dressed as a furry, wearing one of my play collars. He got this nice big gleam in his eye when I put it on and that made my day.

[anon_artist]

My significant other isn't into the lifestyle, even as a hobby, so neither of us are collared. I do, however, wear a belled collar sometimes when I go clubbing or something to that extent. It's more fashion than symbolic

Once though, a few weeks ago, we were at an adult superstore while I was wearing one and he got tired of my constant running around from item to item ogling or reading the package in a loud voice, so he pulled a lanyard from his pant pocket and attached it to my collar. He led me around by it and it was quite fun! That story had nothing to do with anything, by the way, it's just a rather fond memory that I like sharing

[Ranai]

Things don't have meanings all by themselves; they have the meanings you give them.

Thank goodness, there is no such thing as a Great Global BDSM Overseeing Authority Figure who prescribes what we are supposed to find meaningful or not.

Many people use a collar as a symbol of commitment, ownership, love, dedication, Dominance/submission and so forth. For many it can also be an item of aesthetic pleasure. It is close to the head, so it is within view when people communicate face to face. Putting it on someone involves messing around in the comfort zone close to their head, with all its sensitive organs and carotid artery. So allowing someone to put a collar around your neck is an act of trust.

Personally the symbolism has never caught hold in my mind, and quite possibly it never will. For me, a collar is empty of meaning. So if I used one, it would just be another restraint. Very practical, of course, because it goes on a narrow part of the body where it can't be removed if locked. But as personally I don't think collars look very good on men nor on women either, I have to decline for aesthetic reasons too.

It frequently happens in stories that a character leads another character from pillar to post with a collar and leash, even though the thusly led would obviously follow anyway if so commanded. I tend to find this a source of amusement. Unfortunately, the amusement at times throws me out of the story, and I need a while before I can take the characters somewhat seriously again...

[Woodchuck]

Sorry about the lack of clarification. I was definatly looking for "your" take on the collar thing, I knew everyone took it differenty. I was trying to see the different ways people treated it around here.

[Adamoverjules]

it's a very important thing. It symbolizes my official ownership of jules, and with all we've been through in the past, that is a big step for us, right angel? It's something that I can ask her to put on when I want her to, or something she can sleep in, I can always reach over and play with it when she's wearing it, and it makes us both think of what it means.

[csr]

Just as was said before, everyone's way of doing things is different... and thank god there is no special set of rules for us all . We don't use a collar in a symbolic fashion in our relationship, but I must say that when I am wearing one as a restraint (or even if I am wearing one during a scene but not restrained by it) I get a 30% increase in submissive feelings. There is just something really exciting about wearing it around my neck. (mine is fairly large, with large rings so it's not a good "public" collar).

[Mad Lews]

Sorry about the lack of clarification. I was definatly looking for "your" take on the collar thing, I knew everyone took it differenty. I was trying to see the different ways people treated it around here.

Hi Woodchuck,

I am more into substance over symbolism. I find collars interesting trinkets at worst and useful toys at best. But then I'm trying real hard not to be mistaken for a romantic. I save my symbolic repertoire for stories and stick to the hard realties in my personal life. Commitment exists with or without symbolism, if you want or need a token that's OK but I for one don't.
Did that add to the confusion?

Mad Lews

[Woodchuck]

Hi Woodchuck,

I am more into substance over symbolism. I find collars interesting trinkets at worst and useful toys at best. But then I'm trying real hard not to be mistaken for a romantic. I save my symbolic repertoire for stories and stick to the hard realties in my personal life. Commitment exists with or without symbolism, if you want or need a token that's OK but I for one don't.
Did that add to the confusion?

Mad Lews

Tell you what, I am enjoying the lack of focus on a single item. BDSM seems to have it's eyes open to the reality of commitment. The people I have met online/heard from in threads have a real value for commitment, and it doesn't revolve around a gold ring. Their dedication revolves around real feelings, and reciprocated emotion.