How to Humiliate?

[sayuri]

In my opinion and experience you might not be able to tell what would be the most humiliating thing for you.

I've been dating a Dom who has suggested different acts to humiliate me (to smoke naked in the balcony, to wear a collar and leash on public, to kneel in public situation etc) but it hasn't actually worked. It has been fun, but it isn't at all humiliating.

Couple of days ago he suggested something that almost made me cry in shame even if it was only a thought... I'm totally neurotic about my clothing. I wear mostly black, gothic style clothes, usually very minimalistic. It's very important to me to dress with good taste and in clothes that suit me. He asked me how I would feel to be forced to dress in tasteless pink or light blue clothes, maybe some ridiculous top with a korn text on it (you know, like "if you think I'm a bitch you should meet my mom") and go to a pub we often meet our kinky community people to hang around . The outfit wouldn't be slutty (because then the scene would be obvious to all) but just "not me". Styleless, pink lip gloss and everything *shivers*. The thought was absolutely horrifying, I'm not sure if I could go through it alive.

So what I'm trying to say is if you really, really wish to be humiliated it might be useful to start with everyday things that are important to you and develope ideas from there.

[slave802120]

In my opinion and experience you might not be able to tell what would be the most humiliating thing for you.

This is very true. I think it's safe to say only crazy people have no limits whatsoever. This isn't a judgment call, and having said that, I can immediately think of at least one person who I'd regard as being entirely sane but who never seemed to be afraid of anything, when he was alive (Bob Flanagan -- 'Supermasochist', for those who are wondering) I know another masochist IRL who has similar incredibly high threshholds for pain, but who will safeword if anybody plucks hairs on his back. And he isn't joking.

I personally have similar issues with a few things most people (even vanilla people) would think are so petty and trivial, it's often difficult to convince people I'm serious. One which I'll mention is kissing. Especially kissing on the lips. I cannot and will not let anybody aside from my husband kiss me on the lips and even with him, I have to be in a certain mood to respond. I've grown to grudgingly accept 'air kisses' from a few scene people, but even these come very close to pushing a limit button for me. It may seem such a trivial and even sillt thing for others (and plenty of people have told me so) but it's important to me and I expect it to be respected. There's a few other 'little' things like this, but I don't ever dare mention them to anybody.

So, the point I'm trying to make is there's nothing wrong with feeling that way regardless of what it is we're talking about. 'No' might not always mean 'no', but anything that goes beyond any point declared to be a limit for somebody should be respected without question.

kinkabella