I need advice RE:Formatting conversations.

[ghostsblood]

After fixing the converations, I started fixing the colons and found his little gem. I dont know how I managed to write it.. but below is evidence that I reall.. realy neede to learn about their proper usage.

"Mike leans down, and strokes her sullen face; so bright and cheerful only 10 minutes ago, now it is screwed up and red; swollen in fear and disgust: it is still full of life; fear and hatred, but it is still life. "

[Ranai]

Hi ghostsblood, this is what I would do:

Mike leans down and strokes her sullen face. So bright and cheerful only ten minutes ago, now it is screwed up and red, swollen in fear and disgust. It is still full of life; fear and hatred – but it is still life.

Some other things in the text above:

*pant* is chatroom-speak. 'He was panting' works better in descriptive prose.

'Two hundred' and 'fifteen' look better than '200' and '15'.

This will probably make you groan 'Oh no, not that', but... Try as an experiment converting an entire paragraph of your story into past tense and test how it feels?

[slave48]

I hate to spoil a party, and maybe things are different depending on which side of the Altantic you are, but I believe there is an error in the corrected sample. It was suggested that the dialog should be written as ...

“So what you’re saying,” Mr M looks at him. “Is that you worked them hard like I asked?”

However, think about it logically and you will see that Mr M did not deliver two sentences but only one. It should, therefore, be punctuated as ...

“So what you’re saying,” Mr M looks at him, “is that you worked them hard like I asked?”

regards

Slave48

[ghostsblood]

Ranai: The chat room thing was something I was playing with and forgot to clear out. Thanks

Slave48: Thats a very good point. Thanks