Another suggestion is that you use a lot of "passive" voice in your story. Use actions verbs to move the story along. Your wrote: You removed both without saying a word, but as soon as they were done you spoke curtly. I rolled over on my stomach like you had ordered and immediately you restrained me again this time restraining my legs as well." Instead of the girl saying she rolled over like he ordered, have him say it in the story. This is why first person stories don't work well; it is difficult to get everyone heard!

You also have a lot of typos that need to be cleaned up as well.