Payback

[hislittlebrattysub]

I agree with pretty much everything said here. the one thing I would like to stress:


COMMUNICATION

You have been married 20 years, so this is not an easy relationship to walk away from. That being taken into account, I would seriously stop any sort of intimacy until a dialogue has begun that makes you comfortable again. I really really really hope that you find a kink-friendly therapist and start going. He obviously has issues that he needs to address. Even if he refuses to go to therapy with you, go on your own. This is a HUGE red flag and I hope you go get the help your relationship needs. Safety is a big big concern and remind him about the mottos of the bdsm community: SSC and RACK. Please, for your sake and his, go get some help from someone. Take care of yourself. I wish you the best.

[Rosie]

I agree with pretty much everything said here. the one thing I would like to stress:


COMMUNICATION

You have been married 20 years, so this is not an easy relationship to walk away from. That being taken into account, I would seriously stop any sort of intimacy until a dialogue has begun that makes you comfortable again. I really really really hope that you find a kink-friendly therapist and start going. He obviously has issues that he needs to address. Even if he refuses to go to therapy with you, go on your own. This is a HUGE red flag and I hope you go get the help your relationship needs. Safety is a big big concern and remind him about the mottos of the bdsm community: SSC and RACK. Please, for your sake and his, go get some help from someone. Take care of yourself. I wish you the best.

Yes, it seems clear that there are more issues involved here than just whether he can control himself while we play. Twenty years is a long time to be together - thank you for your concern.

[Katmandu]

Hmmm, being a newbie in the Top/Dom thing, one can definitely get carried away, without knowing how/where to put limits.

All in all, luv, sounds like it was just part of his scene, though.

Advice(?!): simply make sure there is a workable way for you to get away (or out of the bondage on your own) should the scening get too carried away, and he chooses not to recognize when you truly want to stop. (believe me, that takes LOTS of practice, to be able to read each other in this context!)

You both sound as if you need to slow down, curb your anxiousness at the fun, and learn more at a much slower pace.

[Carmenica Diaz]

Move out immediately - the man is a fool!

[Rosie]

Sorry Kat - I missed this:

Advice(?!): simply make sure there is a workable way for you to get away (or out of the bondage on your own) should the scening get too carried away, and he chooses not to recognize when you truly want to stop. (believe me, that takes LOTS of practice, to be able to read each other in this context!)

I know it takes time - it worries me he doesn't seem to want to read me, or learn about what I would like. We haven't done any bondage since then... perhaps it's the best thing right now.

[fluff]

Not much I can say that hasn't been said already Rosie - but my sincerest hopes that things head in the right direction. To err is human - we are all fallible. On the bright side, your husband was honest with you in admitting that he punished you in anger - You'll both grow and move forth from this experience - Keep talking with him about it.

[Rosie]

Not much I can say that hasn't been said already Rosie - but my sincerest hopes that things head in the right direction. To err is human - we are all fallible. On the bright side, your husband was honest with you in admitting that he punished you in anger - You'll both grow and move forth from this experience - Keep talking with him about it.

Thank you, Fluff. My husband isn't fond of BDSM related fun - so, when we did it that day, I thought he was doing it to please me. When I found out he was actually doing it to hurt me, I felt upset and betrayed.