Self esteem and self confidence

[jeanne]

After a conversation last night, and rereading this thread, I realized that I have more to say about this subject.

Extreme low self-esteem, extreme lack of self-confidence = extreme selfishness. The submissive with these issues makes it "all about her", instead of as it should be - all about Him. I would think that at some point, a Dom would find this exhausting and irritating and insulting (as Oz pointed out above) and then you get exactly the result you fear - He loses interest. The best advice for anyone, vanilla or not - deal with it! However you need to, deal with it. As soon as possible. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. Is that any way to live? Unhappy? Is that the submissive you want to be? Pathetic and needing constant validation? Not me. Absolutely not me.

Emotionally healthy and damn proud of it - it was hard work,
jeanne

[Rhabbi]

After a conversation last night, and rereading this thread, I realized that I have more to say about this subject.

Extreme low self-esteem, extreme lack of self-confidence = extreme selfishness. The submissive with these issues makes it "all about her", instead of as it should be - all about Him. I would think that at some point, a Dom would find this exhausting and irritating and insulting (as Oz pointed out above) and then you get exactly the result you fear - He loses interest. The best advice for anyone, vanilla or not - deal with it! However you need to, deal with it. As soon as possible. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. Is that any way to live? Unhappy? Is that the submissive you want to be? Pathetic and needing constant validation? Not me. Absolutely not me.

Emotionally healthy and damn proud of it - it was hard work,
jeanne

Well said jeanne. Emotional health is as important to a D/s relationship as anything else.