Short Takes

[submissivewife]

Hi subwife, thanks for your vivid tale on how to integrate inventive fun into a weekend à trois. All this casual ordering about – nicely described. The narrator’s sensations, thoughts and emotions come across well.

A conclusion is as important as a start.

A suggestion, should you at some point wish to re-edit the story for the library section (where it would get even more happy readers): In the present version, for the two dominant characters you use ‘Master’ and ‘Sir’ as if they were names.
Sir chuckled and said over his shoulder to me, “Kelly, I need to breathe. Relax I won’t let anything happen to you.”
This stylistic choice makes these two characters appear somewhat pale and impersonal in contrast to Kelly. I understand that the use of titles can work as a thrilling fetish all of its own; your text however might gain from giving each character a name, reserving the titles for the dialogue, and replacing the titles with their names and various other expressions in the narration.

Looking forward to the next part.

Now what do I do? I have already submitted the story to the Library and I just received an email today that it will be posted soon. I do see your point, and will work that into my stories I have done and my future writings...I hope Sir doesn't read this and feel insulted by my unintentional slight. Sorry Sir!!

[Ranai]

Well, it’s merely a stylistic aspect and thus subject to individual taste. Very probably other readers will say ‘Nope, that’s exactly how we like it!’

Ah – I see your story has been posted. Congratulations!
Heh, the story library moves too fast for this thread now. Cool.

[submissivewife]

Well, it’s merely a stylistic aspect and thus subject to individual taste. Very probably other readers will say ‘Nope, that’s exactly how we like it!’

Ah – I see your story has been posted. Congratulations!
Heh, the story library moves too fast for this thread now. Cool.

Yep to catch the ending, for those who want to, will have to be read at the library.

Thank you Ranai!

[Mad Lews]

Yep to catch the ending, for those who want to, will have to be read at the library.

Thank you Ranai!

Great job Subwif,
Now that your weekends up in neon lights you really will have to finish it or face a restless mob of readers. FYI if you really wanted to edit it you could contact Wabbit1, (He's not that busy( Right!) ) no really he's willing to repost edits if you ask him. For myself I can deal with Sir and Master though I can also see Ranai'd point.
Write on lil' submissivewife and keep up the good story tellin
Mad Lews

[FurryFury]

I think that the submissive is the star of the show. I like the Sir and Master. She can't write it from their point of view after all. She already got approval from her Master on this story. I like it. It makes me want things...write on SubmissiveWife and write on your way.

Fury

[submissivewife]

I think that the submissive is the star of the show. I like the Sir and Master. She can't write it from their point of view after all. She already got approval from her Master on this story. I like it. It makes me want things...write on SubmissiveWife and write on your way.

Fury

Thank you Fury! Sir and Master approved of the story. But thank you. I think you are the star around here anymore with your stories. I love them. If you want the end of the story you can read it at the library. Already there have been almost 300 readers and it was just posted yesterday. I think that is cool. I have only one person vote on it and make a review.

Thanks Nikita for the review. I will continue to write.

subwife

[FurryFury]

Thank you Fury! Sir and Master approved of the story. But thank you. I think you are the star around here anymore with your stories. I love them. If you want the end of the story you can read it at the library. Already there have been almost 300 readers and it was just posted yesterday. I think that is cool. I have only one person vote on it and make a review.

Thanks Nikita for the review. I will continue to write.

subwife

I finally found time to go read the whole thing! Good stuff! *hugs* Thanks for sharing your story! I wish I could do things like that in RL!

Fury