Quote Originally Posted by Ranai
Hi subwife, thanks for your vivid tale on how to integrate inventive fun into a weekend à trois. All this casual ordering about – nicely described. The narrator’s sensations, thoughts and emotions come across well.

A conclusion is as important as a start.

A suggestion, should you at some point wish to re-edit the story for the library section (where it would get even more happy readers): In the present version, for the two dominant characters you use ‘Master’ and ‘Sir’ as if they were names.
Sir chuckled and said over his shoulder to me, “Kelly, I need to breathe. Relax I won’t let anything happen to you.”
This stylistic choice makes these two characters appear somewhat pale and impersonal in contrast to Kelly. I understand that the use of titles can work as a thrilling fetish all of its own; your text however might gain from giving each character a name, reserving the titles for the dialogue, and replacing the titles with their names and various other expressions in the narration.

Looking forward to the next part.

Now what do I do? I have already submitted the story to the Library and I just received an email today that it will be posted soon. I do see your point, and will work that into my stories I have done and my future writings...I hope Sir doesn't read this and feel insulted by my unintentional slight. Sorry Sir!!