A sudden flash of anger rises in her and just as quickly she forced it away. She feared that he would see any trace of walls in her but she also had to dispel the feeling he was mocking her somehow.

Her breathing was coming fast and shallow as she struggled to find the first word to answer the question and at the same time how to comply with his order to embrace him.

Three times she tried to say one word to start the others but failed to make more than a sigh come out of her mouth. To say what she feared and what made her weak felt like a betrayal of all her life had taught her. To give away true thoughts to someone gave them weapons to use. She shook her head to dispel the voice inside that was yelling at her to stay silent.

She had to focus her eyes at a point over his shoulder so she could start her words. If she tried to forget that he was looking at her and if she did not meet his gaze maybe he would not see so much further in her if her answer dropped her guard more than she could bear.

“I…I”she licked her lips and tried again to say it stronger and not stuttering. “I have a stupid childish fear of the dark. I always have. I can not bear to feel that there are things around the corners and in the shadows that will find me in the dark. I can not stand the way my mind runs once it starts and I am totally unable to completely control it. I found that the walk in the silence and with my eyes shut made me feel the same way as if the way was black and I had my eyes open. Once that starts in me it becomes all I can do not to run to anywhere so I can see what is coming. I know it’s irrational and it is so stupid but in a way that makes it worse because no one thinks an adult has a right to have that kind of fear. It’s a child’s thing that you outgrow. “

Shifting her gaze to his chest and stopping her focus just in front of him so he was not sharply defined in her sight she took another big breath and went on. “Sometimes I can get it held off if I focus on anything, a rhyme, song, image anything. Whatever random thing that comes to me, this time it was a quote from a book I read a long time ago.” She made eye contact with him, looked away again so momentarily afraid to be open or to see any mockery in his and then forced herself regain eye contact with him. She straightened herself as much as she could and raised her head slightly in almost a dare to him to mock. She kept the nerve to continue by telling her self that if he was in turn what she thought he was then he would show it by what he did with her pitiful vulnerabilities. That if he was worth what she hoped then to start to say anything and allow her self to feel anything was the only way to start.

“I am going to tell you a story that I never told anyone I was so ashamed to be ruled by fear that way. I am going to tell you because I want you to understand how phobic the fear is in me. Once when I was about 12 I had to choose between staying in a place that meant I was in physical danger from another or I could run and go to the next house over. It was dark, and a mile from the next home. I got about thirty steps into the night before I had to run back to the devil I knew. That’s how bad and embarrassingly stupid it is with me. “

“So I chose to go on until you said stop no matter how overwhelming that feeling became because it is not going to make it go away and conquer that fear, but I never want to allow myself to be so afraid that I can not go on… sounds silly I guess.”

She looked down and ignored the feeling that she had said too much. She closed her eyes again and just stilled her mind until she could feel the man’s presence in the room no matter where he might move. He had not said one word to her so far and in a way it made it easier to go on but at the same time she had no idea if he heard her answer either.

The last demand he made to her was impossible to complete in any logical manner. She began to focus only on feeling him, what the brief contact had aroused in her, and trying to feel herself embracing him, the touch of skin against her and the heat from him sinking into her. When she could feel it as if it was real she opened her eyes again and looked into his without letting her gaze drop.